


Crimson Dust

by gin_tonic, thisnewjoe



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, Undercover, Undercover Missions, drug use (not habitual), sexual abuse/violence (not between main characters – no rape)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:15:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25314442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gin_tonic/pseuds/gin_tonic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisnewjoe/pseuds/thisnewjoe
Summary: Set between ME2 and ME3, the story takes us to Omega where James Vega is undercover and Kaidan Alenko works as his handler. Their mission: to take down a drug cartel that is seriously undermining the Alliance's attempts to prepare for a galactic war.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/James Vega
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9
Collections: Mass Effect Big Bang 2020





	Crimson Dust

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks go to my beta drladybird for all the help and great feedback!
> 
> And another thank you to my artist thisnewjoe for the great collaboration! 
> 
> This was tons of fun to write!

James looked out the shuttle window and watched Earth grow smaller and smaller. It felt strange leaving his home planet again, even though the last three months guarding Shepard had been the longest time he spent there since his enlistment. In his head, James went through the briefing again. A Red Sand smuggling ring, distributing their goods in Alliance space and mostly targeting Alliance staff. They were seriously undermining the war effort. Anderson had deemed his background and capabilities as fitting for the mission. While the latter was certainly a compliment, James couldn't help but feel uneasy about the former. Sure, he'd been certain the Alliance knew about his family history, but he hadn't even considered that anyone would ever mention it. Or that it could be used in a mission. And Omega—fucking Omega, hadn't he just left that hole?—was at the center of this whole mess. His role was yet to be determined, but Anderson had told him as an undercover agent he wouldn't enter Omega in an official capacity. For the time being, James would effectively not be a soldier anymore. He'd take on the role of a washed-out Marine fallen on hard times, finding his way to Omega like so many others. It felt strange, unwelcome even, seeing as he'd almost become one for real some mere months ago. Only Anderson's intervention had saved him from that fate. 

While the admiral had provided him with the basic information, James had to wait for a detailed briefing until he'd reached the station and met up with the Alliance operative. Going in blind wasn't his preferred way to start a mission—James loved clear instructions. Not knowing who or what to expect did nothing to calm his nerves.

Fuck, who was he kidding? The whole job made his skin feel itchy. Sure, he was looking forward to seeing some action again. He might have even wished for it. Guarding Shepard and spending time with her was certainly an honor, but it was boring. She had it worse, of course—no outside communications allowed and the only thing to pass the time was reading and working out with James. And if this was any other mission, he would've been excited to get out of the facility and stretch his legs again. But Red Sand was some nasty business, and he'd hoped to have left all of that back in Cali.

Damn. California seemed like a lifetime ago. James had worked so hard on becoming a different man and getting as far away as he could from the drugs that his father favored. He'd sworn to himself and Uncle Emilio that he'd stay away, that he'd not turn out like his father. He'd even broken off contact with the man completely. But it seemed like his past wasn't ready to give up on him just yet. And every minute that brought him closer to Omega felt like he was running towards Red Sand.

******

Duffle bag slung over his shoulder, James shuffled off the shuttle and left the docking bay without talking to anyone. Omega had the same strange stink about it as always. Stuffy, like old sweat and booze, with something sweet underlying all of it like a false sense of security. And if you breathed in too deep, you were sure to choke on one of the fumes that sometimes wafted your way; dangerous, just like Omega, hitting you hard when you expected it least.

Millions lived on this space station and while there certainly were enough that tried living their lives honestly, James bet that more than half of the people here were involved in something unsavory. Reason enough to keep to himself, even if he wasn't about to dive headfirst into the seedy underbelly of this shithole.

He let himself be swallowed up by the bustle of the docks, as he ambled along the small vendors and bars. A failed Marine, washed-up on Omega, would drift rather than heading straight for a goal. 

James let his eyes wander over the booths, trying to get a feel for the station again. Much could change here in a couple of months. New gangs, new players, old ones dead and forgotten. He snatched up bits and pieces of conversation—the Blue Suns were still active, as were Eclipse, though several smaller gangs were rearing their ugly heads. And Aria was having some troubles with Cerberus, apparently. That explained why the Alliance hadn't gone to her. If she had her hands full, she sure as hell wouldn't take the time to help out the humans with some smuggling ring that targeted Alliance troops. Though she might not have cared either way, from what he'd heard about her.

He bought himself a snack—some kind of meat on a stick—to quiet his growling stomach and leaned against a wall as he ate. A quick movement of his hand brought up a map of Omega. Chances were that this depiction of the space station was already old news, as the buildings here had a tendency to get demolished in the occasional turf war. But the map was still a good way to orient himself.

So far, James' experience of Omega was limited to the docks, where cheap rooms and dingy bars waited for the needy, and the area around Afterlife, where one would go to either have fun or get offed. And there was Tuhi District, where he'd once been to briefly when he'd bought an upgrade for his shotgun. But apart from that he knew little of the station's layout. He decided to walk a bit further, then take a ride-share skycar to get to Kima. It would be cheaper and would help him keep a low profile.

******

Keeping an eye on the dingy hallway, James knocked on the door. He waited a couple of seconds before he knocked again three times and followed up by slamming his palm against the metal, hoping it would make the sound that was expected. When he heard the door open, he finally turned his head to meet suspicious brown eyes giving him the once-over. The door opened wider.

"You're late." 

James only hesitated a fraction of a second before pushing off the wall and slipping through the door. You didn't berate a guy for being late if you planned on killing him right then. Still, the door clicking shut behind him felt weirdly final. "Had to take a couple of detours," James said by the way of an explanation. He bet the guy already knew that, anyway. "So, I guess you're my handler?" 

He followed the guy into the living room. Like he'd expected, it was one step over living behind a dumpster. The main color-scheme was washed-out brown, with a touch of mold thrown in the mix. It had an old smell, like stale cigarettes and unwashed clothes, and while he could see that someone had taken care to make it somewhat livable, he doubted that anything in here was clean. The only thing missing were rats and cockroaches, not that James doubted it would take long to find them. "Lovely place you've got set up here."

"Fits with your cover." The guy finally turned around to show his face—dark hair, brown eyes, not a hint of stubble, and a stance that told James all he needed to know. Alliance, career guy, soldier by the book. Hopefully not too hung up on regulations, or he could make this whole mission a pain in the ass. At least he wasn't bad to look at. 

Yep. Until this mission was over, he was a washed-up Marine who lived like a cockroach. James wanted to ask more about the cover, but there were more pressing matters. Plus, it felt weird having neither a name nor insignia to tell him who he was talking to. "Maybe let's start with the names before you tell me my story? I'm James Vega, Lieutenant, served—"

"I know who you are," the other man quickly—rudely—interrupted him. Were it not for the raised eyebrow on his face, James would've taken offense. "Anderson sent me your file."

"Of course." It did make sense, James supposed, for his handler to know all about him. "Maybe you can extend the same courtesy to me and finally introduce yourself, _pendejo_?" He couldn't keep the Spanish from slipping through—not that he tried that much. Maybe he would've, if the welcome had been a bit friendlier and the travel here had been a bit nicer. But he stank of shuttle and station sweat and weird snacks—neither helped improve his mood.

"Sorry." The other guy sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "It's been a long day and when you didn't show…" He shook his head, then extended his hand towards James. "Major Kaidan Alenko, 1st Special Operations Biotics Company."

******

Compared to the other covert ops Kaidan had led, this one started off shitty. He was very aware that the meeting with his new teammate could have gone better—after all, they would be working together for a while. But he'd been on this damn space station for two weeks now with only himself and sleep deprivation as company. And the migraines, which certainly didn't come any less frequently now that he was holed up with shitty lighting and blue-hued screens. And then there was Vega, coming in late and not even apologizing for it.

But there was nothing for it—Vega was the man Anderson picked and they were in this together now. To make up for his blunder, Kaidan gestured at the small sofa. It featured ancient greasy head stains and other marks that he preferred not to think about. If a new couch hadn't been suspicious in a place like this, he'd have thrown the whole thing out the second he'd arrived. "Take a seat and I'll fill you in." He grabbed two beers from the fridge and handed one to Vega, who had the grace to look appreciative at least. "I'll give you the grand tour later."

"The grand tour, Major? Let me guess: Bedroom," Vega pointed at the door next to the kitchenette first, then to the one on the other side. "Bathroom."

"Almost. And you can drop the rank—it's just the two of us here for the next days and weeks. We might as well get comfortable." Kaidan grinned wryly, then concentrated back on the matters at hand. "Bathroom is an ensuite—the other door only leads to a closet. And behind that, there's the surveillance room." He couldn't help feeling smug when Vega shot him an impressed look. "Used to be a two-bedroom apartment, but we did a little renovating." In fact, it had been him and two handy mechs that were demolished shortly after. Not that Vega needed to know that. The renovations made the apartment even more cramped, but they helped with their mission.

"Okay, now that I know what our new palace has to offer. How about the mission details? Because so far I know a shitload of nothing."

"What has Anderson told you so far?"

"That there's a drug cartel that sells mainly to Alliance staff. That they're operating out of Omega. That Red Sand has become an increasingly big problem within the Alliance corps in recent years. And that I'm supposed to go undercover. That's about it." Vega held up a finger whenever he listed another thing he'd been told.

Kaidan puffed his cheeks and groaned. It sounded like Anderson had only given this goon a superficial overview of the mission. If he had, he must've had his reasons, but that didn't mean Kaidan had to like it. "Alright, let me start at the beginning. A couple of months ago, this new product started popping up all over Alliance space. Red Sand, really bad stuff, too. Potent. They call it Crimson Dust. I connected the dots when several of my guys overdosed with the stuff—it's especially bad with biotics." 

"Why? I thought Red Sand made biotics even more powerful."

"Usually does. But this stuff is different—makes biotics burn through the implants quickly if it's used like the usual dust. Burns them right out of our body." Kaidan couldn't suppress the shudder running through him. He'd seen what that drug could do, live and in color, and it certainly didn't warrant a repeat. "The drug works only on humans, as far as we know. Usually, people either take it to experience biotic powers or—if they already have those—to enhance them." 

"Which makes the biotics companies in the Alliance prime consumers and virtually cash-cows, I assume?"

"High stress environments where some extra oomph can make the difference between life or death? I'd say so." Kaidan shrugged. "Anyway, I interviewed my people about it, found enough breadcrumbs that led me to Omega. But I couldn't get any further, not through the official channels, at least. All the while a galactic war seems to be brewing on the horizon—not the best time to have Alliance personnel using and dying like flies. That was when Anderson, Hackett, and I decided a little recon was necessary."

Vega nodded, looking strangely pleased. "And the plan is to infiltrate this group? You seem better suited for that."

"Maybe," Kaidan said and shrugged, even though he knew he could be damn good at walking around unseen. The last two weeks had proven that, at a great risk. "But it would be extremely unwise for me to come in contact with that particular brand of sand."

"Why's that?"

Kaidan raised his eyebrows. Was Vega really that dense? Kaidan was, after all, a major in a biotics company. He balled his right fist, letting his biotics play around a bit, and lifted the coffee table. It was just a stupid show-move, really, but usually enough to freak others out. He'd known people to scramble for cover—but Vega? Vega leaned towards him, obviously intrigued.

"Shit, that's awesome!" Vega looked like he was waiting for more.

Kaidan set the coffee table back down and continued as if the episode hadn't happened. "Even if me being a biotic wasn't a problem: I helped take down a different drug ring here on Omega a few years back. Depending on who calls the shots with this group, they might recognize me." If Shepard had killed Helena Blake, things might have been different. Though after Saren's fall Kaidan's face had certainly flickered over enough screens in Citadel space for him to be recognized, if the wrong people had paid attention.

"Fair enough," Vega conceded. "Still, I'm not exactly an inconspicuous guy." He gestured at himself and the mountains of well-trained muscles that bulged underneath his t-shirt.

Kaidan laughed. "We don't need inconspicuous. In fact, it's good when you make an impression on these people. You'll be our ex-marine, dishonorably discharged for possession and distribution of controlled substances. You'll be looking for a job that gets you money quickly—and that, in turn, will get us enough intel to take this outfit down, hopefully."

"And what intel is that, exactly?" Vega put down his empty beer bottle on the small coffee table and leaned back. "Because I somehow doubt these people will be exactly forthcoming."

"Well, for starters, we'd like to know whether these people make this particular version of Red Sand themselves or if they're buying from somewhere." The latter, of course, would make things infinitely more complicated. "Their base of operations is next on the list, as are the schedules for any shipments, and the names and faces of the main players, of course."

Vega snorted. " _No hay problema_. Damn."

"Didn't say this was going to be easy."

"So what? I waltz in and they'll start singing?"

******

It was a little more complicated than that, of course. The next day, Alenko had him wander the docks, making careful enquiries about jobs where they were expecting no open positions—at least for an outsider. Because that was the tricky part: in order to get into the gang, he'd had to make sure they noticed him and trusted him enough. Not an easy feat when you didn't want to spend months on this damned station building a profile.

In the evening he was supposed to go to a bar some of the dealers Alenko had identified on Omega frequented. But as best laid plans went—

"Hey, isn't that the punk that killed Edan?"

James closed his eyes from a brief moment, wondering if he should just run or turn around, but a heavy hand on his shoulder took that decision away from him. A curse escaped his lips when he saw his suspicions confirmed: of all the roughly eight million people on Omega, he just had to stumble across the group of batarians that had tried messing with him only three short months prior.

"It's him!"

There was no time to think—James blocked the first punch and twisted to the side. The second batarian fist grazed his side. A hard kick to the stomach stopped another guy coming up from behind, but had him scrambling for balance before the other two attacked again.

_"Vega, what's happening?"_ Alenko's worried voice rang in his earpiece. James didn't have time to reply. He moved to block another jab, but saw light reflected on a knife as it was thrust towards him from his right. James twisted around and slammed both his hands onto the oncoming arm, grunting as the other guy's fist connected with his side. He grabbed his attacker by the throat and squeezed, before punching him in his face. Two down, one to go.

He should have expected the punch to his face. Pain made his eyes water, but he blinked it away and ignored the hot blood pouring from his nose. Wasting no time, he headbutted the other batarian and added a right hook for good measure. The now unconscious figure crumpled before him—the batarian wouldn't get up any time soon. James wiped at his nose, wincing slightly, and spit on the batarian at his feet. "Should've left me alone, _pendejo_." 

_"Vega, you alright?"_

James grunted in what he hoped Alenko would recognize as confirmation and cast a quick look around, assessing the situation. But there were no other attackers and the residents had already turned away from the fight—the brief amusement was over, and it was back to business for them. Just as well, James thought. He didn't need anyone else to join in.

_"Come back to base."_ James pocketed the knife the batarian had dropped and made for the exit of the district. So much for the first day, he thought.

"That didn't even take a minute there."

James stopped, his body tense, and looked to his left, where a young, black woman with a flattop leaned casually against a wall. A heavy pistol hung from her hip, and she wore brass knuckles like other people would wear jewelry. The tattoos next to her eyes told James that she wasn't any ordinary thug. He didn't doubt that she'd killed more people than the two teardrops and the tiny cross indicated. 

"Longer than it should have," he grunted. He tried for a more relaxed stance, holding the knife in his hand only loosely.

"Heard you're looking for work."

"Oh yeah? Where'd you hear that?"

She jerked her head at the corridor where he'd come from. "Around." She grinned at him, looking him up and down slowly. "The way you handled these batarians… We might have use for you."

"Who's _we_?"

The woman just smirked at him and pushed off the wall. "If you're interested in a well-paying job, be here at eight this evening." She waved her omni in front of his face—James was quite sure she'd just taken a photo. "I'm Mbali, by the way."

"Jay," James said. "Jay Sanders." They decided to keep James' undercover persona simple—his initial and his father's last name would suffice. "Trust me," James had told Alenko. "If they check out my old man, they won't be finding anything they don't like."

"See you later, Jay." She winked at him and sauntered away. James couldn't help but notice that everyone else seemed real keen on not standing in her way.

******

James let himself into the apartment and exhaled deeply when the door closed behind him. "What a day," he mumbled, very aware that it was far from over. Alenko was already in the living room when he entered, leaning against the couch. He didn't exactly look pleased.

"Hey," James grunted and made a beeline for the freezer. His nose felt about three times as big and he was more than grateful to finally put an ice pack on it.

"You should've told me that a couple of batarians hated your guts."

"If I told you about everyone who had it out for me, we'd be here for a long time," James said, exaggerating only a little, and plopped down onto the sofa. "Besides, I thought that kind of shit was in my file."

"It didn't mention them."

"Huh." He would've expected Anderson to put that particular detail in there. Then again, Anderson hadn't thrown him into the brig when he should have, after picking him up here on Omega. Instead, he'd stuck to his commendation and seen to it that James guarded Shepard. James still didn't understand why he'd been hand-picked for the job. Maybe, once this mission was over, he could have a chat with the admiral about that and ask him. "Well, they definitely know not to mess with me now."

"No, they know to bring more guys and guns the next time."

James rolled his eyes, even though Alenko might have had a point. "I thought you'd be pleased."

"What, pleased that they almost carved a hole into you? You seem to forget that it's just the two of us and that I can't provide proper backup from here." Alenko walked around the sofa and sat down at the other end, looking anything but comfortable. Which really wasn't fair, since it was James who'd taken a fist to the face.

"Pleased that that little fight got some attention after all." James took the ice pack away and frowned. "That woman scanned me—tell me she won't find anything that will get me killed, man."

Alenko rolled his eyes. "Little late for you to mention that. Thank God for the camera you're wearing—and that it didn't get dislodged when they punched you. So no, your profile is solid."

James nodded and tapped the skin next to his eyes. Nobody would notice he was actually wearing contacts that had a camera built in. Not if they weren't looking for it, at least. 

"Speaking of profiles: I did some digging on that Mbali. Usually a first name isn't much to go on, but there aren't that many humans with Zulu names on Omega."

James put the ice pack back on his nose and leaned back. "So?"

"Mbali Biko. Has been incarcerated once for murder, but hasn't stayed in prison long, strangely enough. I bet you anything that it wasn't the first or last body she dropped. Has been on Omega for about two years now and from what I've seen, she looks like she has gang ties, too. If we're really lucky, she can actually help us with this." Alenko nodded his head towards the hidden surveillance room.

"Nice. My instincts weren't wrong then."

"No, they weren't. But before you go back there tonight, we'll have some serious planning to do."

******

Sitting in this dingy old room—no matter how decked out it was with surveillance tech—was harder than Kaidan had expected. When setting up this mission with Anderson, he had insisted he would be the one to take this group down. However, he hadn't taken in consideration how little he could show his face. Cloaking devices were all nice and well, but they didn't hold up face to face or when anti-spy tech was employed.

And now he was sitting in this room with stale air and barely any space to move around, watching James Vega bumble along the docks, about to meet a gangster. He could only hope that not everything coming out of Vega's mouth was cocksure bluster—and that the man knew when to shut up.

_"Almost there,"_ Vega informed him under his breath.

"Keep your mouth shut and make sure to move your head when you look around you. Give me a chance to scan the people around you," Kaidan said, sending a silent prayer to whatever deity was listening. His software raced through the faces the camera captured, finding arrest records, immigration papers and outstanding warrants, but nothing that was of use for this case so far. "Looks like you're good."

At three past eight, James spotted Mbali again. She wasn't alone: On her right was a man that towered over her. His pale, angular face sported thick dark eyebrows, a nose that had been broken several times, and a mean grin. The software identified him as Ivan Kozlov, a gangster with known ties to drugs and a penchant for solving conflicts with his fists. His rap-sheet featured two instances where he'd broken his opponent's neck with his bare hands. Kaidan informed his partner accordingly.

_"Jay, good of you to make it."_

_"Couldn't stay away with an offer like that."_

Kaidan could practically hear the grin. "Play it cool, Vega. Kozlov doesn't seem to like your attitude."

_"What's he talking about?"_ asked Kozlov, voice instantly mistrustful.

_"Only the job offer,"_ said Mbali and smiled at Vega. At least she seemed to be relaxed around him.

_"I see you brought a friend,"_ James said.

_"That's Ivan."_ Mbali nodded at Kozlov. _"He's here to evaluate."_

_"Evaluate what?"_

_"You."_

Ivan shifted next to her, looking around carefully. _"Let's take this somewhere more private."_

As they started walking, Kaidan followed their movements on the map of Omega, tracing the buildings and landmarks around James as much as he could and adding to his maps as they went. They didn't walk too far, however, and stopped when they'd reached a deserted alley.

_"So, are we talking credits now, or what? Maybe elaborate on the job you mentioned? I didn't come here for nothing, man,"_ said James, not wasting any time. Kaidan bit his lip to keep himself from admonishing him—he needed to trust that Vega had a handle on this and could read the room, so to speak. This wouldn't work out otherwise.

_"Eventually. But first, we need something from you. Something to show that we can trust you,"_ said Kozlov.

_"What do you mean? I've already proven myself, haven't I?"_

_"All you did was get our attention."_ Kozlov, being quite a ways taller than James, stared down at him, eyed him slowly. _"Mbali told me you took down three batarians."_

_"Yeah, I did. And she said there might be a job for me."_

It was Mbali who shrugged and said, _"You need to understand: if you want to work on Omega, earn proper credits instead of scraping by, it won't do for you just to show up. You have to show real commitment."_

_"As in?"_

_"As in, you have to affiliate yourself with the right people."_ James' eye camera caught the look Ivan was wearing perfectly—like he thought James wasn't worth the dirt under his shoes, like he was definitely not considered 'the right people'.

_"And you are the right people?"_

Another shrug. _"Depends. If you have previous affiliations or inclinations—"_

_"Well, you checked me out, didn't you? Since I'm standing here and not lying somewhere choking on my own blood, you must know I'm a free agent, no affiliations whatsoever."_ And wasn't that just a fucking great picture that Vega painted there?

Ivan hummed. Mbali took a step forward. _"We can be your chance to change that. If you prove yourself, we can introduce you to some people."_

_"People?"_

_"People. With money and power to make your life so much easier."_

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. _"Sounds too good to be true."_

Kozlov's face pulled into a weird grimace. _"It's not exactly a cushy job, but it comes with its perks. If you do a good job."_

_"How about we stop beating around the bush and you tell me exactly what you'd like me to do?"_

Mbali and Ivan looked at each other. _"Alright. There's a corner that belongs to us. Unfortunately, some unsavory characters have taken it upon themselves to hang around said corner and have been troubling the good people of Omega. We'd like them to stop."_

The way the camera moved, Kaidan could tell James's eyes flickered between the two gang members. "They want you to clear a corner. Most likely shoot the dealers there," Kaidan supplied helpfully, not sure if James had grasped the situation. The way James grunted in reply told him that it wasn't necessary.

_"A clean-up job then. Where?"_

_"Gozu District, near the vorcha territory."_

Kaidan quickly pulled up the maps and looked for surveillance cameras that he could access, but he found none. "I don't have eyes on that place."

_"Got any toys with you?"_ James asked, voice still calm and casual. Kaidan wanted to tell him not to take the job, but they both knew there wasn't any way around it. They'd talked about a situation like this beforehand, about what James might have to do while undercover. While they still hadn't reached a consensus on civilian lives, the decision on how to treat other criminals was clear: those associated with a gang, be it Blood Pack, Talons or Eclipse, were fair game. Though neither of them had expected a situation like this to come up this early in the game.

Through James' eyes, Kaidan watched Ivan hand over a heavy pistol. James checked out the weapon and its chamber. _"Carnifex, semi-automatic. Nice. But not exactly quick."_

_"It's what you get,"_ said Kozlov, obviously done with the conversation.

_"You want me to go in alone?"_

For a second, it looked like Ivan would actually confirm James' question, but he shook his head. _"Mbali's coming with you. And I'll keep an eye on the two of you."_

******

Ivan hung back while James and Mbali made their way to the spot in question. James cast a careful look around the corner, checking the street for their targets. He spotted them easily, as krogan were usually hard to miss. Four hulking figures, two of them leaning against the adjacent walls, one squatting and one sitting as relaxed as one could be while waiting for a new customer. He didn't recognize any of the gang insignia and was secretly relieved he wouldn't have to go up against the Blood Pack just yet.

"Four guys," he informed Mbali. "How do you want to do this?"

She checked her weapon again, the easy smile now gone from her face. "We use the element of surprise." She locked eyes with him. "Now's your time to shine." She was on the move before he had the opportunity to ask her what he meant. He caught up with her when she rounded the corner and while she felled the guy on the opposite wall, James took care of the one squatting. He made short work of the guy chilling on the stairs, too, then rounded in on the last one, who was making for his gun. The guy was young by Krogan standards. Not even an adult yet. Being there was probably supposed to be the biggest mistake of his youth. Now it was the only one. James squeezed the trigger.

He was still staring at the body when a hand patted his shoulder. "Nicely done. You're a quick shot." James blinked. Killing these guys had been almost too easy.

_"Vega?"_ It was Alenko's voice in his ear that shook him from his stupor.

"Thanks," James said, meaning Alenko and talking to Mbali. He had a role to play after all. "You want me to clean up?" His chest felt sticky and he looked down, finding blood spatter all over his clothes.

"No need." James jerked around, looking at Ivan, who'd sauntered up to them. "Omega will claim them soon enough. After their people got our message."

_"Well, that's just creepy."_

Mbali, all smiles again, bumped her shoulder against James' arm. "Come on, Jay, let's go and get some drinks." She winked at him and started walking, leaving him no choice but to follow.

******

Alenko was in the kitchen when James returned to the apartment. James nodded at him and saw his mouth open, probably keen on discussing today's events, but he walked straight past him into the bedroom. "Shower," he grunted and stripped on his way, eager to get out of the stained clothes. He didn't wait for the water to turn warm and stepped under the spray immediately, closing his eyes and shivering. He couldn't get the expression on the krogan's face out of his head. Surprise, shock, followed by pain. He hadn't even really drawn his weapon on James—probably too new in this business to do anything but freeze. And now he was dead.

James squeezed some shower gel onto his hands and started roughly scrubbing himself. When he'd accepted this mission, he'd expected to fight and to get into dangerous situations. He'd imagined he would be taking down bad guys—not that he would have to kill stupid kids. Eventually, the water turned cold again. James stood under the freezing spray until the shivering was back, as if a little cold would be punishment enough. Towel slung around his hips, he returned to the bedroom.

Alenko was waiting for him and looked up from where he was sitting on the bed. "Those guys weren't your first kills, were they?"

"No." After ten years in the military, he'd had his fair share of dead bodies lying in his wake. Slavers, pirates, terrorists—people who'd killed and hurt others, who'd threatened lives. Who'd deserved to be killed. At least that's what he'd always told himself. But none of the dead weighted as much on his conscience as this young krogan, who'd probably done nothing worse than hanging about with the wrong crowd. Alenko hadn't even found an arrest record for him. 

Alenko just nodded and pushed off the bed. "You hurt?" He circled around him, looking intently at James' almost naked body. The scrutiny was almost enough to make him blush—and definitely enough to distract him.

"Nah, I'm good," he said, shrugging. He winced when Alenko poked the spot where the batarian's fist had grazed him. He'd almost forgotten the brawl earlier that day.

"Seems like they got you good."

"It's nothing, _tio_. Or would you like it to be something so you can continue checking me out?"

That drew a snort from Alenko—and it was enough for him to back off. James winked at him, and got a clean shirt tossed into his face as thanks. "Get dressed, Vega."

Once he was back in the living room, a microwaved meal and a beer in front of him, Alenko made him sit through a proper debriefing.

"I have to admit, the lead with these gangsters seems promising," Alenko said, scrolling around on a data pad almost mindlessly. "Though we still haven't confirmed that they're really dealing."

James swallowed the slightly soggy noodles and took a sip of his beer. "They are securing corners," he said and shoved another forkful into his mouth. He hadn't even noticed how hungry he was before. "Seems like they are dealing something, at least. Maybe Red Sand?"

"We don't need just any dealers, though. Our orders are to find and, if possible, stop the group responsible for Crimson Dust appearing all over Alliance space." 

James rolled his eyes. As if he didn't know that. It had been in the mission description from the get-go, after all. "Well, I guess we'll find out soon."

"Yes, since you agreed to do another job for them tomorrow, I guess we will. You should've given me more time to run their background, to investigate them, instead of just agreeing blindly. Who knows what you'll run into."

"Don't worry, it'll be fine," James said, though he wasn't sure who exactly he was trying to convince. Today had definitely been anything but fine.

Something must've come across in his voice, because Alenko was giving him a searching look. When he spoke, though, he was back on topic: "Do you think they're hazing you through some sort of initiation rite?"

"Nah, for some reason it doesn't appear like these people would do something that elaborate. They're just checking me out, to see if I can do what I'm told." It wasn't surprising. His tweaked file showed a disregard for authority and an affinity for narcotics and stimulants. Of course they wanted to be sure Jay Sanders wasn't a total loose cannon.

******

Lifting boxes, Mbali and Ivan had called it. But James had recognized it for what it was the second he'd entered this shady part of Doru District: larceny. Both his former contacts were absent tonight—instead, a scruffy looking guy with long, dark hair and an unkempt beard had sidled up to him the second James had arrived at the meeting point. He'd introduced himself as Nikolaj and James was still busy trying to make out all the creatures he'd tattooed on his arms, when someone else joined them. Even up-close James didn't know which box to put them into—white, short and thin, slightly wavy hair, high cheekbones and no smile in sight.

Nikolaj was the first to speak. "Everything ready, Alex?"

Alex nodded. "The shipment's about to arrive. You and our new friend here," they eyed James carefully, clearly noticing the weapon he'd concealed under his old jacket, "will be picking up the packages."

"Just the ones with the yellow logo, right boss?" Nikolaj sounded almost eager.

James crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Are you expecting any trouble?"

"Only if you make any mistakes." Alex sneered at him. "Once the shipment is unloaded, the workers will be going on a quick coffee break. That's when you go in, grab our stuff and get out." James nodded, ignoring that rather broad definition of who the shipment belonged to. It definitely wasn't theirs. Yet.

"And if the workers return earlier?"

Alex shrugged and looked at their nails. The fingers of their right hand had the letters EWMN tattooed across them. "Deal with them. I'd prefer it if there weren't any guns involved as they attract more attention that I'd like, but if that's what's necessary…"

"Understood." He patted the weapon at his side, while Alex walked a bit further down the street from where they could see the loading dock of the plant.

_"You got this, Vega,"_ Kaidan said into his ear. _"From what I can see on the surveillance cams in the vicinity, there's only workers of the nearby plant around. No armored personnel."_

James looked over to Nikolaj, who was rapidly patting his own thigh in what seemed to be a nervous tic. "Calm down, _pendejo_ ," he murmured, then raised an eyebrow when Nikolaj grinned at him. It was only then that he noticed the slightly red tinge to his eyes. A look that he knew all too well—he'd seen it many times back at home. Shit. Nikolaj was a user. What were they thinking, sending him to a mission like this? If he'd dusted up recently… "I'll go in first," James told him, hoping the tone of his voice would quell any argument. Nikolaj only shrugged.

As soon as Alex nodded at them, James was on the move. Crouching slightly to make himself as hard to spot as possible, he moved into the loading dock. Alex had been right—there wasn't anybody around. Ducking behind a crate, James turned to ask Nikolaj which boxes they were supposed to take, only to see him slowly saunter towards him.

" _Joder_! Get the fuck down!"

Nikolaj cast another grin in James' general direction and pointed at a couple of boxes with three yellow stripes on their sides. "It's those over there." Before James had a chance to go inspect them, he heard someone coming closer, apparently talking to another person, even though James couldn't make out what they were saying. He quickly jumped over to where Nikolaj was standing and pulled him down, hiding them both from view.

A door whooshed open a couple of meters from them. "Must've dropped the chipcard somewhere around here," James heard someone call out. The guy talked quickly and there was a cadence there that made him sound salarian. James quickly tried to remember what he'd learned about salarian physique and what it meant for hand-to-hand combat. If push came to shove—

The salarian came closer and rummaged around some crates. James motioned Nikolaj to keep silent and stay down, while he slowly crawled towards the sounds. He needed to make sure the salarian couldn't alert his colleagues and—

"Found it!"

James waited for the quick, heavy steps to retreat. When he heard the door whoosh shut again, he got up. "Quick, let's grab the boxes and get out of here." Nikolaj nodded, took two boxes and hurried out of the loading dock, leaving four others for James. With a grunt, James lifted them up and followed him.

Alex was waiting for them two blocks down. "Well done," they said, nodding. "No problems, I gather?"

James cast a look in Nikolaj's general direction. "None." He put the packages onto a cart standing by, then scrunched his nose. Now that they were out of immediate danger, he could detect a faint smell, like an electrical spark from a taser. "Is that eezo?"

"Hmm, not as stupid as you look, then," Alex remarked, still not smiling. James noted that they didn't answer his question.

_"Looks like we have our proof that they're at least connected to Red Sand,"_ Kaidan told James through the comm-system. And he was right; after all, eezo was a key component of that damn drug.

"I think the boss will be happy with our delivery." Alex handed James a small chip and climbed into the small motorbike in front of the cart, while Nikolaj climbed up next to the boxes. The credits that the chip contained would most likely be untraceable. James pocketed it wordlessly, as he was expected. "If you're still interested in a more permanent position: I was told to invite you to come have a drink with us tomorrow night." Alex waved their omni-tool towards him. "Here are the coordinates. Password is 'leopard'." Before James had a chance to ask questions, the bike's motor roared to life and seconds later, they were off.

_"Looks like you're clear."_

James grunted and made for the nearest district exit. He lifted his hand as if he wanted to scratch his neck, hoping to cover his face, just in case. "You heard all that, didn't you?"

_"Loud and clear. Got all the vids, too."_

"Do you know what else was in that shipment? And where the eezo came from?"

James hailed a shared skycar and hopped on while trying to hear what was going on at Alenko's end. He heard a grunt, but being surrounded by strangers, he didn't dare ask him what was wrong. Not sure if there was anyone watching him, he didn't even dare to fake making a call. Eventually, there was a sigh and Alenko spoke once more, _"The shipment came from Illium, mostly tech parts like circuit boards, plus raw material. Interestingly enough, the eezo isn't part of the shipping manifest."_

James grunted in surprise. If those boxes didn't exist officially, either those operating the freighter or the company who shipped the goods had taken care to hide them. And that, in turn, meant that someone had intended for Alex and Nikolaj to pick them up.

When the skycar slowed, James signaled that he wanted to be let off.

_"Why are you leaving the car? You're not even close to the apartment."_

This time, James did make the appropriate moves to fake a call. "Easier to talk to you this way. Can you mark the company and the freighter down for an investigation?" he asked as he hopped off, sure that the surrounding noises would cover his words. 

_"Too risky."_

"Why?"

_"If they are working with that crew of yours and get a visit right after they did a job with a new guy, who do you think they'll pay a not so friendly visit to?"_

"Oh."

_"Yeah, I'd like to not blow our investigation."_ A huff and another groan followed that scolding and this time, James asked his partner what was wrong. _"It's nothing. But since you've still a good way from the apartment, go and buy some groceries."_

"Anything you'd like in particular?"

_"We're almost out of beer."_

******

The apartment was still and silent when James entered, carrying two bags with groceries under his arms. His selection of goods was a bit of a hodgepodge to throw off any indication that he might be buying for two instead of one, but it would keep them fed for a couple of days at least. He had even opted for some proper eggs—bird eggs, not that weird, manufactured liquid egg stuff that the batarians liked—and real coffee instead of the instant stuff that never seemed to taste right.

"Alenko?" he asked, as he put the bags down on the counter. Normally Alenko was waiting near the door, eager to talk face to face. Frowning when there was no reply, James checked the hidden surveillance room first and, upon finding that empty, moved to the bedroom. Alenko was lying on the bed, and he grunted in what seemed to be pain when James opened the door and light streamed in.

"What's up, Blue?" James asked, surprising himself with the nickname. It fit, though.

"Migraine," Alenko gritted out. James could see him scrunch up his face before covering it with his left arm. "Staring at—screens—"

James' stomach churned a bit at seeing his partner in this much pain. "Have you taken any painkillers? You need anything?" he asked, his voice automatically turning to a soft pitch in the low light of the room.

"No. Just darkness. Can't keep anything down."

Noticing that he left the door to the living room open, James quickly shut the door, dousing the room in darkness again. He rubbed his hands over his eyes, trying to remember what might help with a migraine. Dimly, he remembered his mother lying in a darkened room. Had there been any tricks that had helped back then? But his mother had been dead for a longer time now than he'd known her alive and the memories of those days were hazy at best.

But James did remember what it was like to feel sick to his stomach—after Fehl Prime, there had been enough nights he'd spent with a bottle or two. As quietly as he could, he crept into the bathroom. There wasn't any flannel in sight, so he wetted a towel with cold water and returned to the bed. "Lift your head," he whispered, gently helped Alenko reposition himself so he could place the damp towel underneath his neck. The resulting relieved sigh was enough thanks. 

James slipped out into the living room again, dimmed the lights, and put away the groceries. Then he returned to the bedroom with a glass of water and a bowl. The latter, he placed on the floor next to the bed.

"Drink a little, Blue," he said. "You'll feel better in no time." Alenko obediently took a tiny sip. "I'll come check in on you in a bit." Alenko squeezed his hand briefly as a reply but said nothing.

******

Morning crept up on Kaidan, tugging at his consciousness until he had no choice to rouse himself from his sleep. He stretched his neck until it gave a stomach-lurching yet satisfying pop and rolled his shoulders. The migraine was gone and only a dull ache was left in its wake. He got up, pulling the towel Vega had placed underneath his neck with him and depositing it in the bathroom. He eyed the shower for a moment, but the need to appease his growling stomach was bigger than the one to be clean.

Vega was still asleep on the sofa, but Kaidan found a plate with scrambled eggs in the fridge waiting for him. For whatever it was worth, he hadn't expected his partner to be so thoughtful. He shoveled in the food—when had he last eaten? Maybe around lunch time the day before?—and felt better almost instantly. Vega, however, was still out like a light.

Unwilling to disturb the man just yet, Kaidan returned to the bedroom and started doing stretches to work out the aches of his muscles. He started with the most obvious, mobilizing the muscles in his neck and shoulders, then worked his way down to his hip flexors, his glutes, and his hamstrings. It felt good to work out and feel his muscles again, to make sure that his body wouldn't always betray him like it had the night before. Kaidan moved on to a circuit of push-ups, V-ups, and dynamic squats, and quickly worked up a sweat.

"You're better, I see," Vega said from the door, startling him.

Kaidan, heart beating a mile a minute, sat down on his haunches and wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Yeah, definitely. Thanks for your help last night."

Vega shrugged. " _De nada_. You have these migraines often?" he called out as he walked back into the living room and got a coffee pot started.

Kaidan followed like a moth to the flame. "They come and go. Usually it's because I either overexerted my implant or didn't use it enough. The energy surplus can be a bit much."

"Huh." James leaned against the counter. "Never heard they had an effect like that."

"The newer ones don't have those side effects, but I got an L2," Kaidan said and ducked his head. Whenever he told people, it felt like he was admitting something shameful, like he was carrying something dirty inside him. Or maybe it was because it revealed how old he was. Though it had been a while since anybody had given him any shit about his implant. Shepard, while concerned about him, certainly never had.

"The L2s are stronger than most of the new ones, aren't they?"

Kaidan was surprised to detect a note of respect in Vega's voice. He actually seemed a bit impressed, too. "Yes, they can be. Mine is, fortunately." Still, he felt too embarrassed to admit the extent of his abilities. Not many humans could hold their own against an asari.

" _No está nada mal_ , Blue!" Vega turned, grabbed two cups from the cupboard and set them down next to the coffee machine that was gurgling along happily. The heavenly smell of fresh coffee wafted through the room, tickling Kaidan's nose. With pleasant surprise he noticed that it wasn't the crappy kind of coffee, either.

"You called me that last night, too, didn't you?" Kaidan asked, remembering their dialogue in the dark room faintly.

"Yeah, I guess." Vega rubbed the back of his neck, looking a bit sheepish. "It's just something I do."

"Blue, huh?" Kaidan activated his biotics—carefully, just to make sure that they were okay after the night before—and lifted the kitchen table slightly, making sure his biotic field could be felt by Vega when he did so. Vega's eyes widened, and Kaidan chuckled, then set the table back down. The blue shimmer around him dimmed and vanished. "Well, alright." 

James cleared his throat. "When you're done with your exercises, we could go over the mission last night. If you want."

"I want," said Kaidan, smirking slightly. "Just let me grab a shower first."

"Yeah, you better. You reek."

Kaidan rolled his eyes.

"And Blue? Call me James, will you?"

******

The bar was called 'Hive' and was nothing more than a hole in the wall, dirty even for Omega's standards. Thanks to the password, James was quickly allowed inside and found Ivan and Mbali sitting with Nikolaj at one table, while Alex and a woman he hadn't seen before stood by the bar. Her white-blond hair was cut in a sharp pixie and her angular, pale face was marred by a thick scar from her forehead to her right cheek.

There were few other patrons, and all of them seemed to keep a distance between themselves and the crew. James nodded at Mbali and Ivan and made his way over to the bar. He leaned against the counter and grinned at Alex. "Fancy seeing you here."

Alex rolled their eyes. "I'm almost surprised, Sanders. Didn't quite expect you to manage following simple instructions."

"Followed them to the boot so far, didn't I?" He leaned over and ordered a beer from the barkeeper. He would need to be careful about how much he drank that night—he needed a clear head about him.

"That you did." Alex shook their head and sighed, then looked over to the woman on their right. After a couple of seconds, Alex stepped forward, leaving only James and the stranger at the bar. "Jay, meet Slasher."

_"I'm running facial recognition on her now."_

Hearing Kaidan talk to him calmed James' nerves, and so he nodded at Slasher and took a sip from his beer while Alex moved to sit with the others. "Good to meet you."

She looked him up and down, and gave him a smile. "My people have been singing your praises, Jay."

James shrugged, trying for casual confidence. "I did what I was told. And I did it well."

Slasher pursed her dark red lips and hummed, before giving the barkeeper a look. Immediately, the man placed two glasses on the bar and filled them with what seemed to be whiskey. "We can use someone like you. And since you're here, I assume you're interested."

He clinked his glass against her raised one and downed the whiskey. "I am."

"You don't even know what the job entails."

James shrugged. "I suspect about the same things I did to get here."

"In a way. Plus, a couple more sensitive tasks." Slasher took a sip from her whiskey. "You see, my team and I are responsible for security."

_"Meaning they're the enforcers of the outfit. Charming."_

"As long as I'm getting paid," he said and added, "You point, I shoot."

"Looks like you read the company guidelines." She winked. "Though it's mostly the boss that does the pointing."

"Fair enough." 

That seemed to settle things for her—Slasher turned to the rest of the group and spread her arms. "What do you think, should we welcome Jay properly and kick this party up a notch?" Mbali and Nikolaj cheered loudly, while Alex and Ivan looked about in faint amusement. Someone turned up the music and the barkeeper filled six more shots.

Mbali scrambled up to the bar and downed her glass quickly, slinging an arm around James. Apparently, it hadn't been her first drink of the evening. "Welcome to the club, Jay!"

James raised his glass at her. "If it weren't for you…"

She winked and laughed. "Couldn't leave a pretty face like yours out in the cold, now could I?"

Alex sauntered over and picked up a glass as well. "Well, now that Slasher gave her okay, that leaves only one thing to do..."

James raised an eyebrow at that. "What, you wanna give me a gang tattoo or something?" He very much didn't want that. Every bit of ink on his body was carefully designed and chosen, after all. "There isn't that much space left on me, you know?"

"We'd find some," Alex said, rolling their eyes. "But no. Nikolaj?"

Nikolaj sidled up to them, waving a little baggie with crimson powder in his hand. "You and me, we're going to dust up, baby."

James' smile faltered. "Aw man, I can't take that. It's nice of you to offer, though."

Almost immediately, the mood in the bar dropped and Slasher came closer, eyebrows raised. "You've had Sand before, haven't you?" She trailed her fingers down his arm.

He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping to appear like he was battling a past addiction. "Yeah. It's just—I've been trying to stay away from that stuff."

"With us, you don't," Alex said with a low voice.

"Either you're in or you're out, Jay," Mbali added. Her tone of voice left no doubts what exactly she meant by that.

_"James—"_ But whatever Kaidan had meant to say, he stopped. They had known there was a possibility that this would happen, though James had hoped—prayed, really—that it wouldn't. His throat felt parched, his heart beat heavy in his chest. He knew full well what to expect.

"I'm in, of course," James said, keeping his voice steady while trying for a slight inflection towards greedy. "If you don't mind."

Nikolaj handed him the little baggy, grinning with his discolored teeth and the red-tinted eyes, looking too excited for the both of them. James carefully laid out two lines of Sand and bent down before he could give them any more reason to doubt him. He snorted his line quickly, whooping when he lifted his head—the initial burning sensation immediately gave way to a giddy happiness. Colors suddenly seemed brighter and a tingling sensation took hold of his whole body. Without a doubt he knew he'd be able to perform the greatest biotic stunts now. He balled his fist like he'd seen some asari do in the movies, then opened it again and pointed at a chair. It wobbled, then lifted briefly off the ground. Nikolaj seemed to have a little more practice—he made the chair with Mbali in it float.

"Put me down, you fucking idiot!"

" _Bárbaro, cabron_!" James laughed.

"Welcome to the club, Jay," Nikolaj patted him on the back, his breath crawling hotly through James' shirt to his shoulder.

Slasher returned to his field of vision, looking content. She waved her hand in front of his face to get his attention. "I've just sent coordinates to your omni. You'll be there tomorrow at 4pm. Don't be late."

James grinned broadly, euphoria still singing high and mighty in his veins. "You really like your scavenger hunts, don't you?"

"I like a lot of things, little birdie." Slasher winked at him, then turned around and left.

Someone pressed another glass of whiskey in his hand and he blinked at it.

_"James. Focus."_ He knew that voice. It was a nice sort of voice. He liked it. _"You need to come back to the apartment. Finish your drink and leave."_

"I don't think I wanna," James said.

_"Shut up, you idiot!"_ James winced—the voice was loud. Dimly, he remembered that it belonged to Kaidan. He blinked. Kaidan. He needed to keep him a secret. _"Focus! Pretend you're sick."_ James took a deep breath. Nodded. Yes, he needed to get out before he did anything stupid. Quickly, he downed his shot, then stumbled over to Mbali. "I'm just gonna—" He put his hand in front of his mouth, then lurched towards the exit.

******

Kaidan wrung his hands while he waited for James to come through the door. He should've been here minutes ago—Kaidan had tracked his movements to their street and had come to the living room to help his partner the second he was through the door. Only that he wasn't anywhere to be seen. He had half of a mind to go back to the surveillance room to check up on him but didn't want to miss James stumbling through the door.

They should've been better prepared for a scenario like this. They should've taken precautions—some sort of interruption that would have stopped this farce. Or at least a car waiting nearby that would bring James home straight away. Medication to help coming down from the drug—if there even was such a thing. He'd read up on the symptoms of taking a dose of Sand, checked whatever source he could find on what to do, and was still left with nothing.

The door clicked when the locks disengaged, and James stumbled through. Kaidan was at his side immediately, kicking the door shut and tried assisting James to the couch, but for such a bulky man James was incredibly fidgety and nimble.

"Hey, Blue!" James exclaimed, while making a beeline for the fridge.

"About time. Where've you been?"

"Couldn't find the right door. And the lights outside were fucking incredible. _Como el cielo tachonado de estrellas. Entendido?_ " James opened the door and started taking cold cuts, beer, pickles and a heavy block of cheese out, setting everything onto the counter.

Kaidan frowned and looked at the time on his omni. James had dusted up at least an hour ago and was still flying high—it must've been pretty high-quality stuff they'd given him if he was still riding this out. "How are you feeling? Are you hungry?" 

"So great, Blue, so great," James rambled. "But not hungry, no." 

"You're taking the fridge apart." Carefully, he pushed James towards the sofa and started putting everything back into the fridge. But instead of sitting down, James jumped up again and started to pace. 

"We should really talk about this mission, Kaidan. We need to think about the players. Have you seen this new woman there? Have you found anything on her?" 

"Not much," Kaidan said, watching his partner with trepidation. "She's called Leslie Knox. Underwent some Alliance training as an engineer, but she washed out early. After that, nothing can be found on her." 

"Nothing? She must've gone through great lengths to cover it up. Do you think she knows someone high up? Do you think this is all a big conspiracy to keep us occupied so the Reapers have a better chance at killing us all off?" 

Kaidan had only ever dealt with the aftermath of Red Sand before and only within his unit—burnt out implants, emergency medical procedures and the like—but he'd never seen anyone while still on it. At least not to his knowledge. James certainly wasn't quiet under normal circumstances—he was usually brash and loud-mouthed—but not chatty like this. It was disconcerting at best. "I think you need to calm down." 

"Do you? Have you seen that Slasher woman? _Ella es complicada_ , Blue." James shook himself, then stopped in his tracks as his mind seemed to jump to the next idea. "Blue! I can do biotics now!" He pointed his hand at the coffee table, balled it into a fist and then quickly threw his arm out. 

The only thing that kept the table from smashing through the window was Kaidan's quick thinking and a well-trained biotic interception. "Fuck!" Carefully, he floated the table back to the floor. "Go and sit down, James. Now." 

That last display of biotics seemed to have sapped all of James's energy, and he all but fell onto the couch. "I'm sorry, Blue, I really am." 

Kaidan sighed. "It's okay. Just… try to calm down, okay?" He went back to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. "I need you to drink some water for me, James," he said, hoping it would keep James occupied long enough for him to have some time to think. James drank obediently, dilated pupils fixed on Kaidan while he incessantly wiggled his right leg around. "Are you feeling better?" 

James nodded. "Better, yes." His eyes almost crossed as he appeared to mull things over in his head. "I think I'm getting a headache. And my ribs still hurt a bit." 

"Probably from that fight." Kaidan fetched a second bottle of water, though he held off on a pain killer—introducing another drug to James' system was a sure-fire recipe for disaster. "But other than that, you're okay?" 

Instead of answering, James yawned and lay down on his back, wiggling around until he'd found a comfortable position on the small sofa. Kaidan took that as his sign to retreat to the bedroom. 

__

******

A twinge in his back woke Kaidan up in the middle of the night. The days of inactivity, of sitting around in this damn apartment finally seemed to be catching up to him. Rubbing his hands over his face, he got up and vowed to train in the morning to stretch out his muscles properly again. But now that he was awake, he noticed how parched he felt.

He made his way out into the living room as quietly as he could, trying not to wake James—not after everything he'd gone through to get the man to settle down. In the dusk he could make out James' bulky form on the sofa. He was actually too large to fit comfortably on the thing, and Kaidan briefly felt bad because he had the luxury of a bed. But they had decided that, in the unlikely event of someone breaking into the apartment in the middle of the night, it would be far easier to explain why James was sleeping on the sofa instead of having Kaidan lounging about here when James was supposed to be living alone.

Working with James was strange—even when no forced drug usage was involved. While Kaidan immediately felt an easy sort of comradery, James played things close to his chest. So far, he'd not shared anything that Kaidan hadn't already seen in his file.

He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and stepped a bit closer to the sofa, checking in on James. At some point during the night, he'd shed most of his clothing—Kaidan spotted his haphazardly thrown shirt, socks and trousers on the ground and the coffee table. His thin blanket had been pushed down and now only covered the lower half of James' body. Despite the toll that the past night's events must've taken on him, James looked good, Kaidan found himself admitting. Hard muscles that had been carefully trained and a body that had been obviously groomed—James took pride in his looks. Which was why Kaidan would never outright tell him how hot he looked. Plus, James probably wouldn't appreciate a comment like that from him. 

Kaidan rubbed his hand over his face, trying to get his mind back under control. It had been a long night and no doubt the next day wouldn't be any easier. He needed his wits about him—and ogling his partner wouldn't help with that.

"I know I'm gorgeous but stop staring and go to bed," James suddenly muttered.

Kaidan froze. He hadn't meant to stare, not like that. "I—um—" But James had turned to the side and was already fast asleep again.

******

Morning came creeping up on James like a muscle cramp—too soon and entirely unpleasant. It was too bright, too loud, too everything. Eyes screwed shut, he fumbled around for the bottle of water next to him, managing only to knock it over. He groaned, ready to quietly wallow in self-pity instead, when the bottle was pressed into his hand.

"How're you feeling?"

James flung his arm over his face. "Loud," he managed to grunt, then grimaced at the sound of his own voice. He relaxed a bit when Kaidan lowered the blinds and the room became remarkably darker. Finding that he couldn't properly drink in this position, he pushed himself upwards with great effort. He felt queasy and everything was just too much. At the same time, he was thirsty as fuck. Carefully and slowly, he took a couple of sips of water, then waited to see whether that would have him heave or not. But his stomach settled.

"You hungry?" Kaidan asked quietly. James didn't know the answer to that. He felt empty, couldn't even remember when he'd last eaten. Sometime before the beer and the whisky and the Sand. But he didn't really have an appetite. Apparently, he'd deliberated too long, because Kaidan moved to the kitchen and said. "I'll fix you a bit of toast, at least."

While he worked, James closed his eyes and tried to do an inventory of his body—its aches and pains and needs. Which led him to push to his feet and shamble off to the bathroom. When he came back, he shrank down onto one of the chairs at the small, dingy kitchen table and rested his head on his hands. "I don't remember feeling this awful the last time," he mumbled.

It was only when Kaidan asked "Last time? Have you taken Red Sand before?", James noted that he'd spoken out loud.

" _Joder._ " It was evidence enough why drugs were bad—apart from feeling like shit, they also made him fail at keeping his fucking guard up.

"James?"

"Yes." James sighed.

"Yes?"

"Yes, I've taken Sand before."

"And you just forgot to mention that before?" Kaidan's voice rose until it had reached a very unpleasant volume. "When did you take it? For how long? Are you at risk of falling off the wagon? This mission is critical, one blunder and we—"

"There's no fucking wagon to fall off from," James said and pressed his fingers against his eyes, before raising his head and looking blearily at Kaidan. "It was only once. I didn't want a repeat performance and really could have done without yesterday's encore."

"There are people dying from this drug, James. People in _my_ unit. And this operation has taken weeks to set up. There won't be another chance to infiltrate them and take them down, not with this war looming."

"I know what's at stake."

"Do you? Because not telling your partner that you've had a taste for such a highly addictive drug—"

"I didn't have a fucking taste for it! I just tried it _once_!"

Several beats passed before Kaidan spoke again. "Just once? Are you sure?"

"What do you think?" James bit out. "Yes, just once."

"Why?"

"Why what?" James wished Kaidan would just drop it. "Why just once? Why did I take it?" But when Kaidan just kept looking at him with that hard stare and his crossed arms, he knew he'd either have to spill or seriously endanger their partnership. And no matter how private this was, he didn't want to fuck this thing up. "I just… I wanted to try it. Wanted to see what it was like." It would be easy to just leave it at that. Maybe it was the remnants of the drugs in his system, maybe he felt like he owned Kaidan the truth, but he added, "I wanted to see why my father liked this stuff so much more than he liked me." He looked away then, not ready to see whatever expression would now take over Kaidan's face. He didn't need pity, didn't need comfort. Maybe his old self had, but what was done, was done.

"Does Anderson know?" Kaidan's voice was softer now.

"I don't know." But the more James thought about it, the more obvious the answer became. "Probably. Or he knows enough to pick me for the job." 

Eventually, Kaidan nodded. "Just… don't keep shit like that from me, okay? I'm your partner. I need to know all the risks and possible pitfalls—especially when I'm supposed to get you out of dangerous situations."

James took a deep breath, closed his eyes and nodded. "Understood."

******

Kaidan leant back in his chair in the surveillance room, wishing once again that he'd taken the time to buy a comfortable chair before settling in. But no—he'd focused on outfitting the apartment and getting the tech ready, instead of keeping in mind that he'd spend practically all day in this damn contraption. He wiggled around, trying to find a better spot, then focused back on the screens.

There were several of them, showing James' current position on a virtual map, feeds of surveillance cameras in relevant areas, another one that broadcasted whatever the camera in James' eye recorded. Plus, one that showed James' vitals.

James was just approaching the coordinates Slasher had supplied him with the day before, probably wishing that he'd had more time to rest. Kaidan didn't doubt that Slasher had given him a tight schedule on purpose. Kept him nice and disadvantaged—despite her friendly behavior, she struck him as a person to like feeling superior to others.

James' camera caught a man standing in front of the warehouse and Kaidan immediately entered his picture into their files and ran facial recognition. What the guy lacked in height he made up in meanness—there was something about his eyes and the expression of his face that didn't let Kaidan doubt his disposition in the slightest. That and the rusty crowbar in his hands. The guy's heritage was hard to decipher—most likely predominantly European. His cropped hair had had swirls and circles shaved into it, giving him a weird look. On other people it might have looked funny, but Kaidan doubted that anyone would laugh at this guy. At least not to his face or more than once—judging from the way he toyed with the crowbar.

He looked James up and down with obvious distaste, but didn't say anything and let him pass without an incident. As James pushed through the door, a file popped up on the guy. Kaidan quickly scanned it—Barra Toole, arrested and convicted for various counts of assault and battery as well as grievous bodily harm. "Great, his file looks as nice as he does in person," Kaidan commented. There was no reaction from James, who had started greeting the people in the warehouse.

"Good, keep looking around and I'll have a map of that place drawn up in no time." Hopefully, all that work would be worth something and it wasn't just a temporary meeting place. "We need to find something to pin them down with," Kaidan reminded James through the comm systems. "Names, places, anything you can find."

This time, Kaidan received an impatient grunt as a reply. He fell silent and watched James walk up to Mbali and Alex. 

_"How're you guys doing?"_

While they chatted, Kaidan researched the warehouse. He'd done a preliminary scan of the area and downloaded whatever he could find on the building's owner, but had found next to nothing. Now that he actually had eyes inside the place… Kaidan shook his head. Well, there still wasn't much to go on. Then he spotted the logo on several of the crates. It was bright yellow.

"Can you get any closer to the crates to your right? I need a scan of that logo."

James turned his head—from the movements of the camera, Kaidan could tell that he was craning his head as if he was looking for something or someone. _"Is Slasher around yet? Don't want her thinking that I'm late or something."_

_"She's down to the left."_ James moved towards the crates on his right instead, angling his gaze just so that Kaidan got a good view of the logo on the crates. _"The left, I said."_

_"Oh, yeah, got it."_ While James moved off into the direction they had pointed him to, Kaidan cropped and enlarged the logo from the video feed. Somehow, he was sure he'd seen it before. Three yellow stripes surrounded by a black triangle, pointing towards the right. As he ran yet another search, he saw James being approached by Nikolaj.

_"Hey man, came down gently last night?"_

James snorted. _"Can't say I did, no. That stuff was really something, though. Never experienced it like that."_

_"Yeah, we sell the good Dust here."_ It was obvious that Nikolaj was very much a fan. He was probably already looking for his next fix.

_"So, Nikolaj, if I need another hit, I just come to you?"_

_"Nah, man. They don't let me handle anything with shipping or distribution. You either go through Ivan or you go through one of the runners."_

_"Okay, I'll keep that in mind."_

Suddenly, Nikolaj stepped up close to James, his face now uncomfortably close. Once again, Kaidan thanked the heavens that the camera's manufacturer had actually managed to produce a version that was undetectable to the naked eye. _"Just one piece of advice: Don't go dusting up near Slasher."_

_"What? She doesn't like it when—"_

_"She likes it too much. If you get my meaning."_

Before James had a chance to reply, he was hailed from several meters afar. Slasher, of course. Through James' eye, Kaidan watched as James ambled over to her and listened as she explained why she had ordered him to the warehouse.

_"We'll have you run support to our shipping and distribution crews. The Blood Pack seems to think they own certain routes, and I want you making sure they realize they're wrong about that."_

"Yes, sure, great. One man against a mercenary group. That's already worked well with Garrus, hasn't it?" Kaidan muttered to himself while rubbing his hands over his face. He hadn't been with Shepard and the old crew, but he'd certainly kept tabs on them. And, thanks to his access to the Alliance's files, he'd read quite a lot about Garrus' dealings with the various gangs on Omega. Enough for him to seriously think twice about coming here. 

_"Just me, then?"_

Slasher raised an eyebrow. _"Hardly, birdy. We didn't recruit you to get killed on your first day. Mbali and Barra will be with you. We have to protect that nice, big body of yours."_ Through the camera, Kaidan watched Slasher trail her manicured nails trail down James' arm. The gesture gave him an uneasy feeling, but Slasher lost interest quickly enough and moved over to yet another man they hadn't seen before. He was tall, dark-skinned with thick braided dreadlocks and a carefully trimmed, thin goatee. With the suit he wore, he looked more put together than the rest of the gang.

"The system identifies him as Deon Khumalo. Omega lists him as a businessman—no further info on that. Has a weapon's permit, but no offenses listed to his name. If that really is his real or only name." Somehow, with a jacket that clean, Kaidan somehow doubted that it was.

James turned his head to his right, and Kaidan could see Mbali approaching him. She smiled, though Kaidan couldn't say he found the look very reassuring. When she had almost reached James, he could hear her say, _"Sounds like we finally might see some action."_

_"You expecting trouble?"_

Kaidan could see Mbali shrug before James turned his eyes back to Slasher and Deon. _"If the Blood Pack is involved, it's always better to expect trouble. But we can handle ourselves, can't we?"_

James grunted. _"Who's that Barra guy Slasher talked about?"_

_"You saw him standing guard outside."_

_"The cheerful_ pendejo _?"_

_"The same one."_

Slasher turned and walked back to the two of them. "I don't like the look in her eyes," said Kaidan. "She looks entirely too excited." 

He was right, of course. While Slasher's orders were quick and to the point, James couldn't help but notice how she seemed to look forward to the possibility of bloodshed that night. Mbali, Barra and James were to accompany Deon, his crew, and several crates with products to a less frequented dock where a space freighter would be waiting for them. _"Make sure the crates are safely loaded onto the ship—I want it to take off without a hitch. But if you do run into trouble, make sure to eradicate the problem straight away."_

"Look at how she's leering," Kaidan said. "You can't tell me that's normal, not even for an enforcer in a gang." 

But other than that, her orders sounded fairly straightforward—which, of course, meant that the execution was everything but.

Mbali had taken up the rear, while Barra kept close to the crates. James was assigned point, because according to Barra he was the most expendable. Trouble began the moment they'd reached the docks.

Seemingly out of nowhere, James shouted _"Mierda!"_ , before there was a flurry of motion, followed by a pained grunt, and the camera turned black as James' eyes closed suddenly.

"James! What the fuck is going on?" Unable to do anything but beg for a reply, Kaidan was forced to listen to shouting and dull thuds, followed by gunshots. Then the screen with the camera feed flickered back to life as James opened his eyes.

_"Fuck!"_ Kaidan heard him mutter, then watched as James glanced at his shotgun to give the weapon a once-over before he started firing. He watched as a vorcha fell, then saw a familiar glow of increased shields as James broke into a run towards a krogan currently engaged in a fight with Mbali. It was obvious that they were too close for James to get in a proper shot. Just as the krogan was about to shove his pistol against Mbali's chest to shoot her at close range, James tackled him at full speed and followed that up with a fist to his wide face before jumping back and firing his shotgun, peppering him with bullets.

The camera blurred slightly when James whipped his head around to fix on the next target. There was a flash and James dove to the side, obviously trying to evade a headshot. But had he? All Kaidan could see now was the side of a crate.

"James?"

Kaidan tore his eyes from the camera feed and checked the other screens. James' vitals were going strong, which meant that he was alive, though his heartbeat and his adrenaline levels had spiked like crazy. Plus, Kaidan had James' location pinpointed down to a couple of meters. If push came to shove—

_"I'm good."_ The grunt was barely audible, but Kaidan noted it, nevertheless. He felt some of his tension leaving his body. _"Cover me!"_ James shouted at one of his companions, as he ducked out of cover and aimed for the shooter. The boom from his shotgun rang in Kaidan's ears. Then: Silence. The camera flickered again as James apparently blinked rapidly, before doing a quick scan of his surroundings: four vorcha and one krogan, all dead.

******

Three hours after the fight at the docks, James stumbled through the door, feeling like he'd just crashed a shuttle into a wall. He sighed and took a deep breath before crossing the small entryway into the living room.

"Are you alright?"

It certainly wasn't the talking-to that he'd expected. Even more surprising were the hands that were suddenly on his body, pushing and prodding, checking for injuries with determined insistence.

James, blushing and wincing, quickly took a step back. "I'm fine, Blue, really."

Kaidan crossed his arms in front of his chest. While he stopped with the prodding, he turned a scrutinizing gaze upon James, obviously checking for injuries. "You don't look like it."

" _No chingues_." James rolled his eyes. "Can't say I feel too hot, either, but that's what you get when you tackle a krogan."

"And when a krogan knocks you out. Or did you think I wouldn't notice that?"

James grimaced. "Kinda hoped that you wouldn't." It was embarrassing, after all. He should have noticed the guy before he'd attacked—he had been trained for that, after all. It had been a messy, clumsy job, and they were all lucky they'd just gotten through this with a couple of scrapes. James slunk over to the couch and sat down on the back of it. "Well, I can't say that I enjoyed tonight."

"Tonight… yesterday… seems like none of the days with these people are particularly enjoyable." Kaidan shook his head and with one final shake of his head, turned away and walked towards the fridge. "Go take a shower while I'll fix dinner."

James inclined his head in thanks, then made his way to the small bathroom. Despite the mold growing in the corners and the flickering lights, he was sure he'd rarely been happier to see a shower. He turned on the water, dropped his clothes in a heap and stepped under the spray, sighing when its gentle warmth hit his sore shoulders. He hung his head, letting the water drum against his neck, massaging the muscles. After a few minutes' relaxation, James grabbed the shower gel and started soaping himself up. When he got to his hips, he quickly glanced down, then at the locked door. "Might as well," he muttered and reached down to cup his dick. He closed his eyes and sent his thoughts off to his favorite fantasies of tight asses, soft skin, and firm breasts. He felt his dick twitch and harden, and his mind flitted through a plethora of pictures until it landed on hard muscles and leaner bodies. James hummed, not all that surprised that it would take him there, even though it hadn't in a long while. He thought back to a night in a club in San Diego a couple of years back: strobing light, thumping bass, and a strong body pressed up against his back. He could all but feel the guy's hungry kisses on his neck and his hands roaming his body.

James quickened the pace of his right hand and used the left to pinch a nipple, before bracing himself against the wall. He imagined turning around in the club and pushing the guy against the nearest wall. The man in his fantasy morphed into Kaidan and, for a second, James' hand stilled, before his dick twitched in unexpected appreciation. Memories of Kaidan training, shirt riding up to show toned abs, raced through James' head. Of Kaidan biting down on his lips while he tried to concentrate. What would it be like to kiss him? To feel Kaidan's body against his? To have Kaidan's hand on his cock?

James came hard, suppressing the sounds that wanted to spill from his lips with practiced ease. Breathing heavily, he needed a couple of moments to collect himself before opening his eyes.

"Fuck."

******

"See any movement ahead, Jay?" Deon asked him, now noticeably more careful than he—any of them, really—had been a couple of days ago. It was the first time since then James was accompanying another shipment. He'd escorted a guy the gang called SMG—who was part of the distribution cell, just like Ivan was—and several of his runners on a handful of occasions. SMG was a heavy-set man with dark skin, sporting a full beard and dreadlocks wrapped in a high-top. He was also relatively easy-going and level-headed, especially when compared to the likes of Barra and Ivan. Nevertheless, they were running into trouble almost every night. Every member of the gang now used a lot more armor and care.

"None."

_"Looks clear on the cams, too,"_ Kaidan told him over the comms. No matter how loath they were to help the safe delivery and sale of drugs, they'd decided it was better for their mission and for James' health to have Kaidan secretly assist them.

James checked the time as well as his position relative to the location they were to meet the ship's crew. They still had some way to go. Seeing as the coast was clear for the time being, his thoughts wandered back to the shower. Or more specifically, the moment he'd finally, mid-wank, realized that he was attracted to Kaidan. Which was as inconvenient as it could be, seeing as he had no way to avoid the man.

James let Barra take point and hung back, securing their rear. It kept him away from prying eyes and hopefully out of range, too. He almost missed the garbage bag in his way, catching himself just barely before he landed flat on his face.

_"Everything okay?"_

Fuck. James nodded his head. He didn't need Kaidan cluing in something was going on with him. This thing was getting ridiculous. He tried thinking about what Shepard would do. Surely, she wouldn't do anything so stupid like developing a crush on Kaidan were she on a mission with him. She'd be professional and be able to separate work and pleasure. And this mission really did take priority. Fuck. 

"Jay!"

James snapped up and he looked for Barra, who was staring at him angrily. Though that didn't much differ from how he usually looked. "What?"

"I said: Take point! I'm going to fucking scout ahead."

"On my way." James rolled his eyes and hurried to the front again, nodding at Deon in passing, who kept his weapon in a tight grip as he walked next to the crates on the hoverboard.

"Lose the fucking attitude, you maggot," Barra spat at him.

At the front of the group, James had the eerie feeling that someone had him in their crosshairs. He wondered if Barra had felt the same and if he had gone ahead because of that, or just because he was a paranoid little shit. There was a reason why James liked him the least of all of these people, including Slasher.

James tried refocusing on the mission at hand, tried pushing everything else from his mind again, only to have his thoughts land back on Kaidan. Ever since that shower, the man had invaded his dreams, too. Vivid dreams, passionate dreams. He tried blaming in on not having any opportunity to get off with somebody; but seeing as he hadn't been with anyone in months, that wasn't even a proper excuse. And now, on top of everything, he was afraid that he might accidentally moan Kaidan's name in the middle of the night.

James took a deep breath and glanced around a corner, motioning for the team to follow as he made sure that the coast was clear. He needed to focus, needed to keep his head in the game.

James crept further along the alley, keeping an eye out for possible dark spots and ambush sights. Suddenly, there was movement on his sensors, and he ducked behind cover quickly while alerting the rest of the group. Then he took a deep breath and prepared for a firefight.

******

James's back hit the crates behind him hard, jostling them despite their weight. He grunted and deflected Barra's punch to his head.

"What the actual fuck?" Barra shouted into his face, spittle flying everywhere. "We could've lost the shipment because of you."

"Nothing happened, _pendejo_. We got them, didn't we?" James said as calm as he could despite feeling the itch to get right back into Barra's face.

"No thanks to you! You should've noticed them sooner!"

"You were the one scouting ahead. And I killed three of them, didn't I?" And, fuck, didn't that just add to that ever-increasing kill-count on this damn mission. He was in the double-digits already and hadn't even done in any of the guys that they were actually here for.

Barra snorted in disgust and pushed him against the crates again, before stepping back. "Bloody duster!" James knew better than to disagree with the insult, especially since he couldn't very well explain why he'd been so distracted. "Either you get your act together or it'll be my bullets flying your way next time. And _I_ definitely won't miss." Barra gave him a two-fingered salute and stalked off to the other side of the warehouse. 

Once he was gone, James stepped away from the crates and rubbed the back of his head, wondering idly why Kaidan hadn't checked in on him yet. He longed for the reassuring voice in his ears, but even as he stood there silently it didn't come. Instead he heard Mbali calling out to him.

"Sounds like there was trouble at the docks again."

"Yeah. Somehow the Blood Pack knew we were coming," James said and frowned. "They're too well informed. I don't like it."

Mbali hummed in agreement, then took out a knife from her belt to play with. James eyed it uneasily. "You know, if it wasn't for the fact that trouble started before I met you, I'd say you were involved in this whole mess, somehow." Her laid back tone belied her almost-accusation. Still, the knife in her hand made it hard for James to play it off as a joke. 

James stared at her incredulously, hoping the look was convincing. "Why the fuck would I work with those assholes?"

Mbali shrugged, letting the knife dance over her knuckles. "You're built like a krogan. A little, at least."

James snorted. "Gee, thanks." He rolled his neck, sighed as it gave a satisfying crack. "For the record, I've got nothing to do with this."

Mbali grinned at him. "You'd be dead if I thought you did. Or at least you'd be looking forward to being dead, seeing as Slasher would already be playing with you." James couldn't suppress the shudder running through him at that. By now he'd heard enough whispers about Slasher's bloodlust and how she'd earned her nickname.

Mbali patted his cheek. "Try not to antagonize Barra anymore. Alright, Jaybird?"

******

"You should be glad that he didn't have his damn crowbar with him," Kaidan said, unable to keep the annoyance from his voice. Ever since that clusterfuck at the docks, he'd been hard pressed not to leave his post in the surveillance room and pace around instead. Instead, his irritation had piled up inside him, waiting to be let out. And now that James was back, whole and unhurt, and the door closed behind him for the day, Kaidan wasn't going to hold it in anymore.

"Oh yes, lay into me as well." James moved to the fridge and got out a beer, all the while trying to shrug off his jacket.

"What the hell were you doing? Where was your head at?"

"My head, Blue, was on my shoulders." He leaned against the counter and took a large swig of beer, looking everywhere but at Kaidan. His hand was shaking a little—if it weren't for that, Kaidan would have thought him indifferent.

"You were distracted." 

"I noticed the Pack before they started shooting. What else do you want from me?"

Now Kaidan started pacing in earnest, his body crying out to get rid of all this pent-up energy and worry. "Do I really need to tell you how important this mission is?" To think that all of this might be for nothing. That Red Sand would keep pouring into Alliance bases when they were at the brink of war. That James could have been killed… "We need to be careful. You need to be careful!"

"I know that!" James grunted, still not looking at him.

"Do you? Because you came damn close to being killed. Twice! Once by the Blood Pack, then by Barra." The thought made his stomach twist and churn, worry sweeping his usually calm exterior away like a tidal wave. 

"I know!" James pushed away from the counter, probably used to people being intimidated by his size. But Kaidan, while not as wide as James, was taller than him. And he didn't back away. Angry red stained James' cheeks and he was breathing heavily. But finally—finally!—he was looking at Kaidan.

"Then fucking act like it." Kaidan gave him a little shove, accidentally mirroring the movement Barra made earlier. His fingers itched to grab James' shirt, to pull him closer. Instead, he balled his hand into a fist and turned around, going back to pacing. "Because I really don't want to watch you dying on the camera feed."

******

Kaidan tried willing his mind to let him go to sleep, but none of the usual techniques seemed to be working. James and he hadn't shared another word all evening, sinking into an uncomfortable silence that seemed to get heavier by the minute. And now he was lying here on this semi-comfortable bed while James was outside on the lumpy couch and everything felt wrong. He couldn't stand it.

Kaidan threw back the cover and stood up in one swift motion. He only hesitated—briefly, for a fraction of a second—when his hand was on the doorknob but pushed ahead anyway. His bare feet were almost silent on the floor as he passed towards the couch. He didn't even know what he wanted—to see James or to wake him up and talk to him—only that he wanted to do something to make this right.

In the end, he didn't even need to make a decision. James was awake just like him. His gaze zeroed in on him like a beacon, finding his eyes in the dusk. "Again with the nightly staring, Blue?" he asked, his voice rough. Kaidan would have worried, had it not been for the small smile tugging at the corner of James' eyes.

"You know I can't stay away from your good looks," Kaidan said before he could think better of it and was immediately grateful that the darkness hid his blush. "But don't worry, I don't plan on making a habit out of it."

"Oh, I'm not worried." The way James said it, it almost sounded like flirting. But then again, most things that came out of his mouth sounded like that.

As sleep deprived as Kaidan was, he couldn't think of a witty retort. All that made it past his lips was, "Good." He wanted to groan in shame, but instead held his head high, decided that the awkward fight between them was officially over, and returned to the bedroom.

"Don't be an idiot, Kaidan!" he hissed at himself once the door had fallen shut behind him. He really should know better than this. His past mistakes had shown him how spectacularly bad it was to be emotionally compromised while on mission. With Shepard, their burgeoning flirtation had led to heartache and too many awkward moments when she'd broken things off after Virmire. Logically, they both had known that she'd made the right call, but Ash's death had weighed heavy on her nevertheless. And then there had been Shepard's death—or whatever she called it these days—and her… what? Resurrection? That hadn't made his feelings any easier. It had taught him, at the very least, that feelings like this were always messy, and served no-one. He desperately needed to put a stopper on whatever this thing with James was. 

Maybe he shouldn't have offered to drop rank when he'd arrived here on Omega. If he'd kept this strictly professional, things might be less awkward. Though, if Kaidan was honest, he suspected he'd be a whole lot more miserable if he'd stuck to protocol. But this flirting? This dance of theirs? It was some grey area shit. While James and he technically worked in different units, he didn't hold any disciplinary power over the other man, which allowed them some leeway. But on the other hand, he was currently James' superior officer and it was his responsibility to keep things clean and reputable. Shit. He hadn't expected to ever be in a situation like this again.

Kaidan shook his head, trying to get this mess out of his thoughts. No, he needed to let this go. Kaidan vowed to do better in the morning.

******

After a successful mission, the first one in some time without any shootouts, SMG had insisted they all meet at the same dive bar where James had snorted Sand. It was the first thing that clued James in for a bad night. This time, the Hive was fuller—more people from the organization had filtered in, and, by now, James recognized enough of them by sight.

_"Maybe we should just tell Aria to burn down this place and be done with it."_

He could tell Kaidan was joking, of course, but the idea was tempting. Especially since he had the feeling like he was walking straight into a wasp nest. Mbali handed him a whisky before he had a chance to order anything else. He raised the glass in thanks, but only took a sip, not wanting a repeat performance of the last time he'd been here. Though, to be fair, it hadn't been the drink that had done him in.

_"See if you can make a round later on. I'd like to scan everyone here. Maybe we can build on our network."_ On their digital board, they already had a considerable number of people connected in a link chart showing the organizational structure of this group, but both of them were very aware that James was still just scratching at the surface. He suspected that no-one here was any higher than those people they knew already. Maybe it was time to push a little and see what he could turn up.

"You know," James said to Mbali in a low voice, "I only ever see the same people around this place. The runners, SMG, Barra, you…"

Mbali raised her eyebrow at him. "So? Are you already fed up with seeing us?"

"How could I, with such pretty faces?" He winked exaggeratedly and waited for her short laugh, before he continued. "I'm just wondering—the boss you've mentioned a couple of times, they probably don't come to hang with the riff-raff, right?"

"She wouldn't come to a place like this. Her right-hand man does sometimes."

James kept his face carefully neutral even when Kaidan muttered his appreciation for the new information through the comm-system. "You've seen her, then?"

"I have." She gave him a coy smile, one that was probably supposed to remind him of the pecking order and that she was more important than him. "Maybe you will, too, someday. If you're a good boy." She patted his cheek, then downed her drink. Her demeanor changed as if someone had just flipped a switch. "Drink up, I want to dance!"

There wasn't any music to dance to, but knowing Mbali, it wouldn't take long until she took over the sound system. James pushed his barely touched drink between a couple of abandoned glasses and shoved off the bar. "I'm taking a leak, then we can dance." He took the long way to the restrooms, moving through the surprisingly big crowd, making sure to swivel around his head enough for Kaidan. By now a pro at how to use the restroom without flashing his partner unnecessarily, he went through the ministrations quickly and used the sound of water at the sink to mask his words to Kaidan. "I have a strange feeling about tonight. Can you make sure there's an exit strategy ready?"

_"Checking possible routes back now."_

James wiped his wet hands on his trousers, then took a deep breath and jumped back out into the fray. Just like he thought, Mbali had the whole place riled up by now and loud music was thumping. Nikolaj was already dancing, while Barra rather looked like he wanted to murder someone with his bare hands. James gave him a wide berth. He made sure, however, to get a good look at the man next to Barra, who was talking intently with SMG. He was white, with long, dark greyish hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, the neatly trimmed beard doing nothing to hide his rather prominent nose. He wore plain clothes, but a thick, gaudy gold chain around his neck, and looked surprisingly less like an asshole than the people surrounding him. But since everyone was treating him with obvious respect, James suspected that this, too, wasn't a man to be trifled with.

_"I can send a taxi to pick you up two blocks away. Just focus your eyes on your hand and knock twice on any surface to give me a signal whenever you need it."_

Quickly caught by Mbali's enthusiastic arms, James danced for a couple of songs, careful to keep watching the people in the room, before his thirst caught up with him and he moved to the bar. As he signaled the bartender for a beer, the hair on the back of his neck suddenly stood up and he knew Slasher must be close. There was something about her—maybe the electric whip she carried, maybe her excessive, handsy flirting—that just set him on edge immediately. Still, he turned and smiled at her as she pressed up to him.

"Slasher. Didn't see you before—did you just arrive?"

"Did I?" As she shrugged, the stiff collar of her leather jacket moved with a slight creak, audible despite the music. She accepted the drink the bartender pressed into her hand almost immediately. "So, tell me, Jay, are you happy with our small group?"

James nodded. "Pay's good and I haven't been shot yet, so yeah. I'm happy."

"Good." She looked at him intently, most likely looking for signs that he'd recently dusted up. James and Kaidan had thought about giving the whites of his eyes a little reddish tint but seeing as Nikolaj didn't have the best rep in the organization, they'd decided against it. "You and me, Jaybird, we should get to know each other a little better." Her hand on the back of his thigh left nothing about that sentence to imagination.

"I appreciate the thought, but I'm not into women," James said as casually as he could, trying to ignore the cold shiver down his spine.

Slasher's eyes had grown even colder at the reply. "If you like to be fucked, I can arrange that as well," she said, leering at him with her wide, red mouth. "I've got a strap-on with your name on it, little birdy." She let her hand wander upwards and grabbed his ass tightly with her talon-like nails. The way she sounded, it was only a matter of time and opportunity.

******

"What's your read on this new guy?" Kaidan, pointing at the picture of the man who'd been sitting at the table with Barra. James and he both had steaming cups of coffee in front of them, using breakfast to discuss the developments on the case. He hadn't found a whole lot on the man in the databases—just that he was called Corrado Bucco and had once been imprisoned for murder. For such a charge, there was surprisingly little information on him.

James, a piece of toast cut into a triangle dangling from his mouth, squinted at the figure on the screen, chewed on the toast a bit and said, "He's definitely someone with power. The way they deferred to him… I'm guessing he heads the distribution part of the whole operation. Besides, he was only talking to Alex, SMG, and Ivan."

Kaidan zoomed out of the picture again when he noted the expression on Barra's face. He opened the surveillance video feed, searched for that particular scene, and let it run again up to the point when James had turned away to talk to someone. Then he rewound the whole thing. "Look at this," he pointed at Barra. "The look he's giving you."

"Yeah." James shrugged and took a sip of his coffee. "He hates me."

Kaidan hummed and frowned at Barra. There was something about that man that just rubbed him the wrong way. Maybe it was his unwavering stare or how his mouth seemed to tighten whenever he looked at James. Or maybe it was just what he'd found on the file. But the fact remained: this man was dangerous. "You need to be careful around him."

"I can handle him, Blue."

Somehow, Kaidan didn't feel too reassured by that. "I'm just saying. Don't give him more reason to dislike you, okay?" But from the way James was already flipping through the pictures again, slowing just so when he came to each Slasher and Ivan, he knew that his warning was falling on deaf ears.

******

Kaidan was watching a deal going down at a street corner through the camera in James' eyes. He could just imagine how James must look—leaning against the wall in pseudo-relaxed fashion, one hand on the butt of his gun, constantly ready to draw it if shit went down. They had started trusting James more and more, leaving him to guard the runners without additional supervision. He was making his way up—quickly, at that. But every day he stayed undercover posed a new risk of discovery. Every day he hadn't found out where the drugs were manufactured or who the people on top were, was one day too much.

It made Kaidan restless—even more so because he could do nothing but watch and run searches and try to connect dots.

On the feed, James had turned away from the runner and towards SMG, who was just exiting an expensive looking skycar. They greeted each other with one-armed hugs, bumping their shoulders together, before James turned to watch the corner again.

_"Slow night?"_

Kaidan got up and stretched a bit, shaking out his legs. He didn't need to pay attention to yet another endless conversation about how stupid the drug users were or whether the Usaru Maestros would win the biotiball championship. When he'd accepted this mission, he hadn't expected he'd be listening in to that many inane conversations. Having often been the one to work in the field, he now had to wonder what dull things he'd talked about—and how bored the radio operators on the other end must've been listening to him.

Just when he took a sip from his cold coffee, he heard a faint beep followed by a click. Someone forcing open the door. He activated his biotics before he could consciously think about it, and quietly closed the fake wall to hide the surveillance room. Jamming his finger down on the mute button for the feed, he listened intently and prayed that he'd been quiet enough.

For a while, he heard nothing but his own frantically beating heart. Then there was a muffled voice saying, "All clear," followed by footsteps. Whoever was outside did not bother hiding their presence, now that they had found the apartment seemingly empty.

"What a dump!"

"What did you expect from a duster like him?"

Two people then. Fuck. Kaidan didn't doubt that he could take down two opponents even when he was unarmed, but he would give anything not to have to do so. While his biotics were powerful, they'd no doubt shoot at him, and there was no way in hell he would be able to do this quietly. And from the sound of it, these two weren't ordinary burglars. Most likely, they were gang members. Which meant that someone could have very well sent them and sanctioned this break-in. Or at the least, they would be missed if they vanished. And people might get suspicious if James' apartment was trashed at the same time.

Fuck. He needed to warn James. If they discovered him and the surveillance equipment, it would be seconds before they alerted the rest of the crew. If James was still with them at that point...

Kaidan tore his eyes from the door and punched in a pre-arranged code that would alert James. Then he pressed close to the wall next to the door, hoping it would grant him some cover if they found the entrance to the room. He heard them rummage around outside—thuds that sounded like someone was kicking chairs over, and laughter, as if they enjoyed tossing the apartment.

"Have you checked over there?"

"The bedroom, you mean? I sure as hell won't be touching these sheets."

"No, the other door."

Kaidan's heart missed a beat at that. His implant vibrated at the back of his neck. The door to the supply closet opened with a creak and a heavy boot hit the floor. Kaidan held his breath—only a thin, fake wall separated him from this intruder.

******

This wasn't protocol and James knew it. Usually, he listened to that small voice that made sure that he followed the rules and regulations. But right now James didn't give a fuck about protocol. Didn't care that, when he received the emergency code, he was supposed to go to the extraction site Kaidan and he had agreed on. Didn't care that he was supposed to lay low right now. The last time he'd been this scared had been on Fehl Prime and he hadn't wanted to feel like that ever again. Yet here he was.

He glimpsed around the corner, trying to see if there was anyone outside the run-down apartment complex they lived in, but couldn't see a soul. He tried reaching Kaidan again, but there was no answer. Images of Kaidan bleeding out on the dirty apartment floor, bullet holes peppering his chest, raced through his mind. He shook his head, trying to dispel the picture, and tightened his grip on his shotgun. He was about to storm towards the apartment when he spotted a familiar looking skycar nearby. Barra had told him a couple of days ago that he would shoot James if he ever touched it.

His decision made, James grabbed the next piece of junk he could find and threw it hard at the car. The alarm started blaring straight away and James' suspicions were quickly confirmed when he heard a familiar voice curse—there was no way in hell Barra would just leave his car unprotected in an area like this. 

"Who the fuck was messing with my bloody car?"

"I told you we should've left it at the warehouse." James should have realized that Barra wouldn't come here alone—he'd brought Ivan with him. "Now, can we leave?"

"Fine. Whatever."

As soon as James heard the skycar take off, he started running. He fumbled with the pad at the door then all but crashed into the living room, only to be caught by a biotic stasis field.

"James! Fuck!" Kaidan stood near the door to the surveillance room, eyes wide and glowing blue. Not dead. No blood spilling everywhere.

Falling to the floor anything but gracefully when Kaidan brought down the stasis field, James scrambled to his feet and stumbled over to him. Almost frantic, his fingers flew over Kaidan's body, looking for injuries. When he found none, the relief he felt was overwhelming. He looked up at the other man and—

James' lips were on Kaidan's before he'd even made the conscious decision to kiss him. And now that he was, he couldn't stop, not even if he wanted to. He knew it was stupid and forbidden and oh-so-fucking-problematic, but kissing Kaidan was like breathing after almost drowning. Kaidan's lips parted against his and James all but gasped when their tongues met. He fisted his hands into Kaidan's shirt, pulling him even closer, never ever wanting to let go. Needing more of this. Faintly he registered a hand on his neck and another on his back. And Kaidan's lips—oh God, his lips—

And then, Kaidan pulled away. Ever so slowly, but he pulled away all the same.

James opened his eyes and blinked. "Sorry... Major," he said and wasn't sorry at all. Not a single bit, rules and regulations be damned. And he didn't move away from Kaidan either.

"I—" Kaidan started. His hands seemed reluctant to move away from James, too. "You were supposed to go to the extraction zone." While the words were professional, his voice was still soft.

"Had to make sure you're alright."

"I'm alright."

James nodded, then swallowed thickly. How did one go from here? From kissing to—what was he supposed to do? He wanted to go in for another kiss but was sure he wouldn't be allowed. He looked down on his hand, still holding onto Kaidan's shirt, and made himself let go. Kaidan stepped back.

"I—"

Afraid he'd have to endure a speech on etiquette and fraternization and why they could never and would never repeat this, James quickly interjected and asked, "What were they looking for?"

Kaidan blinked, probably suffering from whiplash, then looked around. "I have no clue. They never said." It was only then that James realized that the room was in complete disarray. Chairs kicked over, cups smashed to shards, and the TV on the wall with a big hole in it. "Sounded like they hated your guts, though."

That sounded about right. "I saw Barra and Ivan leave."

Kaidan nodded. "Do you think they were ordered to come here?"

James frowned and thought back on the past days. But nothing had seemed out of the ordinary, nothing came to his mind that could have triggered something like that. "Nah, I think we're still good."

Kaidan looked at him for a long time, then nodded. "Alright, then we'll continue our mission. I trust your judgement on this."

_On this._ James bit his lip, pushing the thought away, then moved to pick up the shards. At least they hadn't messed with the coffee maker. As he threw the remnants of the cups away, suddenly something dawned on him: there were his blankets on the couch, despite the obviously slept-in bed, and there were two toothbrushes in the bathroom. What if they realized that there was more than one person living here? He relayed his fears to Kaidan, who frowned, then shook his head. "I didn't hear them mentioning it. But just to be safe, you should have a story ready. Like that you fall asleep on the sofa sometimes."

"Or that I occasionally have a fuck-buddy over." The words were out of his mouth before he realized what he was saying, and he blushed a deep, dark red. Kaidan raised an eyebrow at him, but said nothing. To cover his embarrassment, James quickly said: "I had an interesting talk with SMG today."

"About your fuck-buddy?" Kaidan asked, snorting slightly. 

Hearing Kaidan say that didn't help the blush, or the tightness of his pants. "No, _tio_. He mentioned that there's a larger shipment going out to Arcturus Station in three days. Said it's going to be a real cash-cow for the gang."

Kaidan perked up at that. "In three days? I'll let Anderson know, just so he can see if he can track the shipment. If we're lucky, he'll be able to identify the distributors on the station."

James nodded. He knew Kaidan would make sure that Anderson didn't send anyone in guns blazing. After today's excitement they definitely didn't need anybody else blowing their cover. And hopefully, getting this information was a good sign and they could soon get off this godforsaken shithole of a space station.

******

Two days had passed in relative calm—though with a hefty dose of blue balls—since the break in. They had not talked about the kiss and there'd definitely been no repeat, no matter how much James had accidentally bumped into Kaidan in the kitchen or on his way out of the room. And despite his best efforts, despite telling himself that surely Shepard would never behave this foolishly, he'd been unable to get the kiss out of his head. The feeling of Kaidan's lips on his… He'd thought Red Sand would hit him hard, but this was worse. Or better.

On the plus side, James had neither seen Barra nor Ivan and it had been relatively quiet on the job front as well. It had been bound to end, though, and when James had been woken up too early by the insistent pinging of his omni-tool, he had known that this was it. It had been Alex staring back at him through the video feed. For once, they hadn't looked bored or calm.

_"Jay, we need you to come to the warehouse ASAP. There's been a… development. Don't bring your own tools—we've got that covered."_ They'd barely waited for James to nod before signing off. Vague as it had been, James had known today would be bad.

Now that he was entering the warehouse, he found his suspicions confirmed. "Nikolaj is dead," Alex told him the second he came in. Their arm was heavily bandaged. Blood had seeped through the white fabric already. "Mbali's in the clinic."

That stopped him short. No matter that they were criminals—he knew these two, had worked side by side with them and this… it was not supposed to go like this. "What the fuck happened?"

"We were ambushed," Alex said through clenched teeth. "Fucking Blood Pack."

"That supply run you had planned?"

"Yes. We were close to the lab, too. Had to move our cook, just to be safe."

_"And another puzzle piece. If the cook is on Omega, our job just got a whole lot easier!"_

"How'd they find you? How'd they get wind of that?"

"Fuck if I know." They looked at him with narrowed eyes and James raised his hands immediately.

"I just knew that you guys had one planned. Even if I'd wanted to rat you out, I couldn't have."

Alex growled, then gave a jerky nod. "I know. Fuck. I wouldn't have asked you here if I thought you'd done it." They started walking in long strides towards the other side of the warehouse.

"Why did you ask me here?"

Alex pointed at a small cluster of people—James recognized Deon, Slasher, Corrado, and SMG amongst them. "We need to retaliate. And you are our tank."

_"Fuck."_ James heartily agreed with Kaidan's statement, but just nodded. With that many of the more important players nearby and on edge, he had to be extra careful.

Slasher flicked her eyes over to them. "Looks like the group is almost complete. Russell, if you want to take the stage?"

Next to her, a man past the age of fifty slowly stood up. His dark suit made him look like a CEO. The heavy pistol in his hand did not. He wore his salt and pepper hair in an undercut and the rest of it pulled into a ponytail. A long, well-groomed beard almost reached his chest.

Kaidan identified him surprisingly quickly. _"Russell Doyle. Long rap-sheet, but the last time he'd been taken in for anything more than questioning was years ago."_ Meaning he'd probably moved on high enough to keep his hands clean.

"The Blood Pack will learn not to mess with us," Russell started and looked around this motley crew. "We've traced the hit squad to an abandoned store in Kenzo district. We'll need to move in quickly and surround the building before they have a chance to escape. While we don't have any reason to expect fortifications or more hostiles inside, we need to be prepared if there are." He turned, then motioned for a kid with a thin, fuzzy moustache and a cap to push closer a huge crate.

Had Mbali been here, she would have squealed something about new toys—the crate was filled with weapons, all looking new. James took a step closer to it, hoping to give Kaidan a good enough look, should they need to identify any of the weapons later. "Nice," he said.

"Grab what you need, then we head out," Russell told them.

Slasher was the first to grab a gun. She patted it almost lovingly. "They're already dead, they just don't know it yet," she said and looked way too excited about the prospect of a shoot-out.

_"James…"_

James gave a jerky nod, hoping Kaidan would understand. He knew there was no way he was getting out of this, that Kaidan wouldn't be able to help him if shit hit the fan. He grabbed the heaviest shotgun he saw. "What about armor?"

******

The armor didn't fit perfectly, but at least he had some protection. In James' experience, boxed-in opponents tended to fight hard and merciless—plus they had the added bonus of cover. His stomach did somersaults and not even Kaidan's voice in his ear was enough to calm him down this time.

 _"I hacked into the surveillance feeds. From what I could find, at least seven members of the Blood Pack headed inside. Four krogan, three vorcha."_ That many people attacking the supply run sounded like overkill, especially seeing as Alex had left the assault still standing. It didn't sit well with him that they hadn't completed their mission. Gave him a strange feeling, too, like he was missing something.

Slasher's voice crackled through his omni-tool. "Get in position but stay out of sight. Grenade launchers, on the count of three—one, two, _three_!"

James saw several grenades launched—they crashed through the windows and smoke immediately poured out. But there was no angry shouting, no panicked mercs fleeing from the building.

_"No activity registering on the sensors,"_ Kaidan informed him over their private channel.

Then Slasher's voice broke through the comms, "Move in!"

"Fuck." No choice but to follow her command. But the bad feeling didn't go away. "Something's not right," James broadcasted to Slasher and anyone else on their frequency. Nobody answered him. He released the safety catch on his weapon and rolled his shoulders. "Nobody's coming out of this end. This smells fishy," he added for good measure and stopped for a moment. Waited. Still nothing. He checked for movements behind the windows but saw none. The closer he got, the more his gut told him to get out of fucking Dodge. "It's a trap," he breathed and quickly repeated it over the comms.

Russell's voice crackled to life, "Hold your positions! We're—" If he finished the sentence, James didn't hear it. He registered a bright light a millisecond before a shockwave threw him backwards. The earth-shattering boom was the last thing he heard before darkness took him.

******

James jerked to consciousness to the sound of a gun going off nearby. He barely managed to hold still while assessing the situation.

 _"—me? James! Fuck, James, answer me!"_ Kaidan's panicked voice only added to the ringing in his head.

James blinked and turned his head, trying to locate where the sounds came from. He noticed the smoke wafting lazily away from the rubble in front of him first, then the figures moving to his right and the harsh-sounding shots that rang through the streets. Distantly he registered that the rubble was where the Blood Pack's hidey-hole had been. " _Coño_ ," he groaned and grabbed his weapon that had fallen on the ground next to him.

_"Fuck, James! Are you all right?"_

James grunted in what he hoped was confirmation and took a deep breath, before he lurched to his feet and pointed his shotgun into the direction of the fighting. Just in time—a distinctly krogan figure broke loose from the group and barreled towards him. James fired twice, then jumped to his left to take cover, trying to activate his shields all the while. But their comforting shimmer didn't appear—they must've been fried when the blast had thrown him backwards.

_"The cameras in the vicinity were destroyed—I'm blind save for your feed, James."_

He quickly glanced around the corner and pulled back just in time—a blast hit the concrete wall where his head had been.

Cursing under his breath, James moved to his left as quickly as he could, trying to go around his attacker and sneak up from behind. But while his sensors had been fried, the krogan's had apparently not been and he turned around just in time. James reloaded as quickly as he could and fired at the same time the krogan did. He barely felt the impact hitting his arm. Grunted. Shot again. And again. 

"Anyone on this frequency?" he broadcast, hoping the comms were at least working, and looked down at the dead krogan. Silently, he debated whether he should make his way towards the gunfire or away from it. " _Mierda._ "

He had just taken a couple of steps towards the noise when Russell's voice broke through the static, "Fall back to the rendezvous point!"

"Copy." James blinked sweat out of his eyes and retreated while keeping his shotgun ready. He found the crew two blocks over, where they'd first arrived. Everyone looked worse for wear and there were fewer people than before. Russell gave him a quick nod, before he turned back to Slasher, who looked like she didn't like what she was hearing.

Deon limped up to James and said quietly, "If you hadn't realized it was a trap, we would've lost more."

"How many are dead?"

"Five. Several runners—don't know their names." Deon didn't exactly look heartbroken over it. "Ivan, too. Ran headfirst into the building." James, on the other hand, didn't even bother to pretend he was sad about that particular death. One nasty piece of work less.

He saw Russell check his omni-tool and then turn around. Apparently, they'd waited long enough for survivors to slink back—no-one else was coming and the longer they stayed, the more they risked another attack. The crew moved closer to him. "This has been a carefully planned game. One we intend to answer, but not now."

"Back to the warehouse?" James asked, but Russell shook his head.

"Too risky. We've lost one location already—I'm not letting them have another. Everyone lay low for a while. I'll send word." He gave them all a calculating look and nodded, almost to himself. He turned around and left without another word, Corrado at his heel.

Deon took up the freed space and told them, "Disperse quickly. Make sure you're not followed and take detours, if possible. " His eyes flicked to James for a second and he threw him a rag. "Maybe make sure you don't look too conspicuous, too." James looked at the rag for a second, then wiped it over his face almost as an afterthought. He was surprised that it came away bloody. It was only then that he really noticed the pain in his arm and his head.

_"Get your ass home, James."_

******

James had been lucky. The krogan's shot had only grazed his arm and while the wound on his forehead had bled profusely, it was easily mended. The bruises would heal in time, too. That didn't stop Kaidan from shaking, though. It was like those moments when all his screens had been blank, when the sensors had blinked out and there hadn't been a sign of life from James, had ingrained themselves into his bones. And he _ached_.

Kaidan looked at his trembling hands—the same hands that had steadily treated James' wounds just minutes ago. Now that James was in the shower, washing blood and grime off of his body, he was suddenly no longer sure that everything was fine. Nothing was in control, least of all his hands.

He listened, trying to make out any kind of noise from James, and found the shower sounded louder than usual. He followed the noise into the bedroom—the door to the bathroom stood ajar. Transfixed, Kaidan took a step forward. Just a peek, he told himself, just to make sure that James was really okay, that he was alive.

He opened the door wider and met James' eyes through the shower doors. Just hours ago he would have excused himself and hurried away. But now… His feet carried him further into the room and when James didn't turn away, he pulled off his shirt, shed his trousers and his pants and stepped under the spray before he could even stop himself. James's lips greeted him in a hungry kiss, hot and alive and—

"Fuck, Blue," James moaned and pressed closer. "I've wanted this for so long." Kaidan's right hand found its new home on James's ass, and his left roamed his body until it came to rest on the nape of James's neck. James rocked forward and his hard dick brushed against Kaidan's. Kaidan groaned and squeezed James' cheek as the other man reached between them and took both their cocks into his hand as best as he could.

It felt like a lightning bolt shooting through his body, heat and energy first everywhere, then pooling in his groin as pleasure built. Greedily, they kissed, as if their lips and tongues touching were the only thing that kept them alive, as if the connection was more important than air. James' hand sped up and Kaidan slipped a finger between his cheeks, rubbing it over the pucker he found there.

"Fuck, I—" James threw his head back when he came, baring his neck, his eyes closed, his lips opened by a long, deep groan. It was enough to send Kaidan over the edge, gasping as he came hard between them.

******

James woke up feeling warmer, happier and more comfortable than he had ever since coming to Omega. As he slowly rose to consciousness, he realized that he was not only sleeping in the bed, but that his legs were tangled with Kaidan's. That got his heart racing for a bit and made his eyes fly open, only to find Kaidan blink blearily up at him from where his head was resting on James' chest.

"Morning," Kaidan said, smiling sleepily. Seeing him like this made James' heart flutter with excitement.

"Morning," James repeated, wondering what he'd done to deserve this. Soon enough, he knew, they would have to get up and face the real world again—or at least what constituted their real world at the moment. He'd feel yesterday's aches and pains, would have to go and deal with the upheaval that the gang went through.

But right now, he had this: early morning sleepiness and comfortably heavy limbs, brown eyes looking back at him, lips sore from kissing the night before and already longing for more. And a dick that became more and more interested in how close Kaidan was. He could ignore reality for a while longer, he decided and rearranged them until they lay side to side. And when they kissed, it was without last night's desperation and frantic urgency. Instead, James just lazily lost himself in Kaidan.

In the end, they did get up. And while James checked his wounds in the dingy bathroom mirror, Kaidan started up the coffee maker to get them set for the day. Sharing small smiles, they settled on the couch, both trying to keep to their end, while they tried to bring their heads back into the game and focus on the mission.

"So." Kaidan cleared his throat while James very much tried to keep his hands on his cup. "We still have a debriefing to go through."

"Debriefing, right." James nodded slowly and took a deep breath. "In all honesty, I think they're unravelling. And I have to wonder: what if we just fall back now? You know, vanish back into the shadows, maybe give the Blood Pack a heads up and things take care of themselves."

"Help the Blood Pack obliterate them?"

James shrugged, pretending that idea didn't just make his stomach drop. Thing was, he wouldn't exactly be sad if someone offed Slasher or Barra. Some of the others were all right enough, if one overlooked the fact that they worked for a drug cartel, but… well, they worked for a damn nasty drug cartel. "Would make our job a lot easier and safer. Might be quicker, too."

But Kaidan shook his head. "While I really wouldn't mind getting you out of the line of fire—" he pointedly looked at James' arm, "—I don't think it would serve us well in the end. The Blood Pack is just as likely to take over the drugs, shipping routes, and probably the cook as well."

James scratched the back of his head and took a sip from his coffee as he mulled this over. "So, we'd essentially help a bigger player take over and blow this whole thing out of proportion."

"Essentially."

James groaned and let his head drop onto the back of his couch. "Great." Kaidan snorted and gently shoved at him with his foot, which James deftly caught. He circled his thumb around Kaidan's ankle, grinning to himself as he heard the hitch in Kaidan's breath. "That means I'm still stuck helping these fucks survive."

"Yes. And from what I saw and heard, they are going to be moving against the Blood Pack soon. Which gives us three options: Either we help them beat the Blood Pack—"

"Unlikely, due to their numbers. Might stop them for a while, though." He grimaced when he noticed the look Kaidan gave him and stroked up his calf as means of apologizing, quietly exhilarated by the fact that he could actually _touch_ the man now. "Sorry. Go on."

"Or we gather enough evidence against the gang in order for the Alliance to move in on all fronts and put an end to all of them."

James let out a breath. It had been their objective from the get-go. Didn't mean that it sounded any easier now. "Wait. What's the third option, then?"

"Finding and destroying all the products the gang's made before the Pack gets to it. And making sure the Pack's not getting the cook either."

James raised an eyebrow. "Fuck, Blue, you're full of impossibilities today."

"It's my specialty." Kaidan got up and walked to the coffee maker, and James pretended that he didn't mind that he was no longer touching him.

" _No chingues_." James shook his head. "Out of all of those, I'd like to pick the second option."

"Thought so," Kaidan said, pausing right next to him on his way to reclaim his spot on the couch. He seemed almost hesitant when he reached out and ran two fingers down from the place behind James' ear to the base of his neck. Such a simple gesture, yet it sent shivers down James' spine and made him blush. "Which means we need to dig in deep and see what we're still missing."

******

Eventually, all good things had to come to an end. James left the apartment in the late afternoon and made his way towards the clinic in Gozu district. He had not expected a shiny hospital, of course, but was still taken aback by the slightly desolate state the clinic was in. While clean, it was heavily fortified and dark, as if someone was keeping the lights low on purpose. Everything looked like it had been taken from somewhere else and been repurposed, or at least had been in use for quite a long time.

His weapons secured at the front desk, James made his way into the patient ward he was pointed to and found Mbali lying awake in a bed, staring at the holo above her omni-tool.

She smiled when she spotted him. "Jay! Took you long enough to get here."

James shrugged. "Was a bit busy before." Her eyes flicked to the small wound on his forehead. "You know me, I couldn't let you have all the fun with the krogans."

She snorted. "Heard about that, have you?"

"How could I not?" He pulled a nearby stool close and sat down next to her. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than yesterday," Mbali said and gave a one-armed shrug. It was only then that he noticed that the other was in a cast. "They broke a couple of bones. Shot me up real good, too. But the doc fixed all that."

"Lucky."

"Luckier than Nikolaj." She stared darkly at her hand resting on the blanket, then gave herself a little shake after a couple of seconds. "You got them, though?"

James sighed. "Some. We followed them to an abandoned shop, but it was a set-up. Still managed to off a couple Pack members."

"Good."

James looked away, debating if he should tell her about Ivan. He didn't know if she'd liked him—he certainly hadn't. No matter her feelings, learning about his death might be too distracting—and James needed to find out more about the ambush and whatever else she could tell him. "What happened, anyway? Alex just said you guys were ambushed."

Mbali sighed, then told him how they'd made a supply run to Doru district and had almost been at the small, formerly disused factory where the cook had set up shop when the Blood Pack had attacked. "She made it, right?"

"Who?"

"The cook, Pheri. They didn't get her?"

_"Pheri. Sounds asari."_ Kaidan finally piped up, too. Hearing him made James feel a little warm inside. _"Makes sense, too. Asari aren't affected by Sand. No risk of the cook accidentally getting high—or sneaking some of the product."_

"She's safe. They moved her to a secure facility." Or at least that was what he assumed when Alex had told them they had moved her.

Mbali nodded slowly, apparently content with that information. She looked like she wanted to ask something else, but she bit her lip and shook her head.

_"Ask her how the Pack found out."_

James repeated the question to Mbali, but she just pulled a face and said, "I dunno, Jay. Can't tell you anything that I haven't already told Alex when they brought me here—the Pack just appeared out of nowhere. That we were doing the supply run wasn't even common knowledge—the route even less."

James ran a hand through his fauxhawk and sighed. "Damn, all of this is messed up. Reckon the boss will want to talk to you, too?"

_"Nice segue, there."_

But Mbali shook her head. "Why should she? Russell does the day to day and, anyway, they have Alex if they have any questions. And Alex isn't fucking bedbound, either." She hit the sheets to illustrate her frustration.

James tried to play it cool, tried to keep that slippery fish on his hook before it wriggled away. "Have you ever met her, then? The boss?"

"Once." Mbali seemed proud of it, too.

"What's she like?"

_"Careful there."_

Mbali gave another one-armed shrug. "I barely talked to her. She seems capable. Has to be, since she built the whole fucking empire. Looks really nice, too. Sleek, elegant. Like a proper lady."

James leaned back as far as the stool allowed and grinned. "Pretty, then?"

"Down, tiger." Mbali laughed. "She'd probably have you for breakfast. But yeah, she's pretty, in that mysterious earth-vibe sort of way."

"Earth-vibe? She's from the home world then?"

"Dunno, probably. Could be from Asia, maybe."

James snorted. "Asia is a big fucking continent." And fucking diverse, too. Didn't really help as a descriptor and wouldn't make running identification any easier.

"What do I care? It's a big fucking galaxy, Jay, and I'm a colony kid. I don't give a shit about some continent."

"Alright, _tranquilo_." James rolled his eyes and got up, not wanting to test his luck any further. "I need to get going. Slasher will have my hide if I'm late." Probably literally, from the way that woman kept looking at him. "But I'll come visit you again, okay?"

"Better bring me something nice, next time. Like chocolate." Mbali grinned at him and gave him a brief fist bump. "Watch out for yourself, will you?"

******

Kaidan leaned back in his chair and tapped his pen against his lips. Maybe it was weird to feel this level of accomplishment for something that James had found out and he'd just witnessed, but after sitting in this damn cramped room for so long, he felt like he'd earned that small feeling of victory. He could finally add another bit of info to their board. Slowly but surely, it was becoming a proper picture too.

"Just a little longer and we can finally hand this thing back to Anderson," he muttered to himself. But what then, he wondered. What would they do once James and he could finally pack up this apartment and go back to their lives? Kaidan was neither an idiot nor was he naïve. He'd spent most of his adult life within the constraints of that Alliance, knew the rules and regulations by heart. And lived by them. Usually.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. After the last night, returning to his old life had suddenly lost some of its appeal, no matter how much he detested Omega and this small place that had become his prison.

_"Yo, you there, Blue?"_ James' voice—so rarely directed at him through the comms—startled him from his musings.

"Copy, James. What do you need? Are you on your way back?"

_"Not yet."_ His voice sounded slightly muffled, like he was partly covering his mouth in order to keep their conversation covert. Kaidan glanced at the screen and found James casing his surroundings carefully. The digital map located him on his way out of the district. _"Just letting you know I'll go around to the warehouse."_

"Are you sure it's a good idea? They must be on edge after everything."

_"Which is precisely why I should drop in."_

Kaidan nodded, even though James couldn't see him. "Alright." He rolled his shoulders and settled in to trace James' way to the warehouse, just to make sure the area was safe. It wouldn't do to have him run into another Blood Pack ambush. "No reports of increased gang activity. After yesterday's shenanigans, everybody seems to be lying low."

James grunted, signaling that he was done talking for the time being. Just as well—chances were there would be people on the lookout the closer he got to the warehouse.

"Good thinking on getting all that info out of Mbali, by the way. Though the description of the boss isn't all that much to go on." He didn't even want to see the statistics on how many people on Omega had roots in one or the other country in Asia. "Though I've often heard spacers use _Asian_ as a descriptor for people from eastern China. At least the ones that didn't much care for their Earth heritage." He pondered that for a moment. "South Korean or Japanese origins might be possible, too." Still, not enough to properly narrow down the search for them. "Maybe you can get some more info from the other people at the organization?" Sometimes he had the eerie feeling that whenever they found another piece of the puzzle, some weird shit went down.

James grunted again, then sniffed. When Kaidan looked at the screen, he found James looking at Barra, of all people.

"Shit. You good?"

Another sniff. _"Yo, Barra. You my welcome committee now?"_

Through the camera, Kaidan watched Barra sneer at James with something that could only be described as disgust. _"Took you long enough to stop by."_

_"Yeah, well, I was recovering from a concussion. Plus, I visited Mbali at the clinic. She hasn't mentioned you coming to see her, yet."_

When Barra flipped James off and stalked off to the warehouse entry, Kaidan relaxed somewhat. "I hate that guy," he said. James held two fingers in front of his face before following Barra, and Kaidan snorted in amusement. "Alright, yes, I guess that makes two of us."

******

Russell was in today, scowling down from the office overlooking the warehouse, which was bustling today.

"What are all these people doing here?" James asked Alex, whom he spotted sitting near the spot that was usually occupied by Slasher. Slasher wasn't around, and that relieved him more than he cared to admit.

"We're moving shop. Too dangerous to stay here."

James raised his eyebrows. "We're retreating? What about crushing the Pack?"

Alex gave him a look that left no doubts that they thought him an idiot. "Crushing the Pack is all nice and well, but we can't be sitting ducks while planning it. Not my decision, anyway. Boss' orders."

The second time today that the ominous boss was mentioned. Maybe there was a chance, after all, to meet that mysterious lady. "Where do you want me, then? I can give these guys—whoever the fuck they are—a hand."

"Runners, most of them," Alex replied. "But no lugging around crates for you, Jay. Russell wants to talk to you."

James hesitated briefly at that, unsure if that was a good or a bad sign. But since Alex didn't look too perturbed by the announcement—not that they usually showed that many emotions—James figured that Russell was probably not going to shoot him outright. " _Vale_ , I'll go pay the big man a visit then."

Alex's eyes followed him as he ascended the stairs to the office. He knocked, just to be safe, and entered only when Russell called him in. The man was sitting at the desk now, yet he still had the same presence as if he was looming over James. Every movement, every little twitch of his, spoke of pain and death, yet James found he had a strange feeling of respect for the man. "Alex said you wanted to see me?"

Russell put aside the pad he'd been reading on and mustered him. "How long have you been with us now?"

There was something in his voice that reminded James of former COs, something that made it hard not to stand at attention. "About three weeks." He barely managed to keep himself from adding 'sir', too.

"Not that long. But you have made an impression."

"I hope a good one."

"Seeing as you're still alive..." Russell trailed off, sounding bored. His omni pinged and for a moment, he turned his attention from James. When he looked up from the device, his eyes looked even harder somehow. "You know the situation we're in and you know we've lost several people already. This unique situation leads us to make some rather unusual choices." Russell got up and as he closed the buttons of his jacket, James spotted a concealed pistol at his side. He doubted it was the only one on his person.

"What choices?" James finally asked.

"There are going to be several negotiations that need additional security. Boss wants you on this."

James eyebrows climbed up in honest surprise. "The boss? She hasn't even seen me."

"Oh, she's seen you." Well. What a comforting thought.

"And what am I guarding? New shipment?" Standing next to yet another load of crates was neither exciting, nor would it get them any further with the case. Plus, last times he'd done so, there had always been people shooting at him.

"The Boss."

_"Jackpot."_

James didn't quite share Kaidan's enthusiasm. No matter that this would bring him closer to their objective, he'd seen the look in Russell's eyes and didn't like it one bit. "I appreciate the vote of confidence," he said anyway and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "But why me? Why not Slasher?"

Russell glanced at his omni again. "Because Slasher is busy with other things. You were a military man, Sanders. You can follow orders, can't you?"

Taking a gamble, James made a see-saw motion with his hand and said, "You probably saw my file, didn't you?"

Russell just nodded.

"Then you know why I was discharged."

"Because you dusted up and didn't keep your mouth shut."

"And because some orders were too stupid to follow."

"Then let's hope the orders won't be stupid." Russell gave him a look, letting him know that they certainly wouldn't be—and that James would suffer the consequences if he thought otherwise. "Don't go dusting up on the job and we won't be having a problem." He sat back down on his chair, his attention now fully back on whatever he saw on the holoscreen. "Alex will give you the coordinates." James knew a dismissal when he saw one.

******

Kaidan turned his head when he heard the front door open and held up a hand to signal Anderson to stop talking. When a quick check of the newly installed camera's feed confirmed that it was only James returning home, he opened the door to the supply closet and called him over.

 _"Lieutenant, good to see you there."_ Anderson's voice sounded a little tinny over the comm, but they could see him well enough. Kaidan looked over at James, who was standing at attention.

"Admiral Anderson has just been telling me that they've managed to track the shipment to Arcturus station," Kaidan said, allowing himself a small, satisfied smile.

"Have you arrested anyone yet, Sir?" James asked, looking a little worried.

_"As per your suggestion, gentlemen, we've done nothing but watch and monitor the shipment and anyone who has interacted with it. We've already identified several people who seem to be in cahoots with Crimson Dust."_

"Happy to hear that, Sir."

"Hopefully, that'll help taking care of the Sand problem on the station," Kaidan said.

_"Yes, hopefully. We've also managed to find the company that uses the logo you sent over. The yellow stripes inside a black triangle. They'll be faced with a surprising yet thorough routine tax audit and security inspection, soon."_

Kaidan grinned at that. If things went well, the cartel would find at least one of their sources for raw material drying up very soon.

Anderson, however, still looked serious. _"While this is a small victory, gentlemen, the root of the problem is still standing. How are you faring with the organization itself? I hope you're making progress?"_

Kaidan nodded and quickly updated Anderson on the status quo of their mission, ending with the good news that James had been assigned to protect the organization's boss.

_"Good. We need that intel, Major. Lieutenant."_ Anderson turned around and looked at something or someone just off camera. When he faced them again, he was frowning. For the first time since they had started talking, Kaidan noticed that Anderson looked tired.

"What's the word on the Reapers, Sir?" News on Omega rarely went beyond the next mass relay—there was just too much trouble on Omega for the people to be really interested in anything outside the station. Kaidan understood it well. Since they had started their mission, he had been so focused on getting through it that he'd pushed the Reapers out of his mind as best as he could.

Anderson sighed. _"Nothing definite. It's mostly rumors, strange blips on our radars, and far away colonies that have stopped reporting in."_

"Has nobody checked on those yet?" James asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I thought the whole issue with the Collectors taught us a thing or two about missing colonies." It was a valid point, though Kaidan couldn't help but notice how quickly James had dropped the official address. And how hard his voice sounded. He quirked an eyebrow at his partner, but James had his eyes on Anderson.

_"You're not the only one that's worried, Lieutenant,"_ Anderson said sharply. _"We've sent several small teams on recon missions. But so far, none of them has come back. Besides, we've our hands full with the Defense Committee."_

When James didn't say anything else, Kaidan stepped up. "Are we ready for the Reapers, Sir?"

_"Honestly? No."_

Next to him, James drew a sharp breath, and Kaidan himself felt hollow and faintly sick, like someone had just punched him right into the gut. How could they still not be ready after everything they'd been through? After fighting Sovereign, Saren, and the geth all those years ago, after the Collectors wreaking havoc on human-occupied space? Shepard had warned them— _he_ had warned them.

_"I'm sorry I can't give you better news, but I won't lie to you. We aren't ready by a long shot, which is why it's vital the threat of Crimson Dust is eliminated. We need our troops to be at their best and we need our wits about us."_

"Understood, sir." Kaidan saluted and saw James do the same next to him. A nod later, Anderson was gone.

******

"I like your hair," James mumbled, running his hand through Kaidan's damp locks. Lying on the bed, fresh after their shower, warm and slightly sleepy, it was easy to ignore everything that happened outside the room. Their own small enclave.

Kaidan kissed his chest gently. "Wait till it dries—it's a complete mess if I don't treat it with the proper products."

James hummed and raised his eyebrows. "Sounds intriguing, Blue. Maybe I should hide that stuff, just to get a peek." James laughed when Kaidan boxed him gently into his side.

"You wouldn't dare." He moved his hand up and lazily started stroking circles along James' stubbly jaw with his thumb. "Are we going to talk about what Anderson said?"

James closed his eyes. "Do we need to? We're both naked. Can't we just lie here in the afterglow?"

Kaidan was silent for a while—so long that James actually started to think that he'd managed to avert this conversation. "We need to wrap this mission up, James."

James closed his eyes, trying to ignore the connotations of the statement. Which, of course, he couldn't. After they were done here, they would have no choice but to part ways, each of them returning to their own harsh reality. They'd most likely be facing a war, too. And while James was more than ready to fight, the uncertainty of what was to come scared him more than he cared to admit. "I know," he said, despite it all, his voice sounding gruff to his own ears.

"We're needed elsewhere."

He thought back to Shepard, waiting in that small room that had become her prison cell, while the committee postponed their decision time and time again. She was probably bored out of her mind now. "I know." He pulled Kaidan closer and buried his face in his hair. "Just let me pretend that everything is alright. Just for a couple more minutes."

******

_"I'd never have thought she'd be living around here. Doesn't seem swanky enough."_ Kaidan's voice was a welcome companion as James made his way to the boss' compound. He checked the time again, just to make sure he really wouldn't be late.

_"The maps don't really show anything at the coordinates that Alex gave you, but it's obvious that those were manipulated. Could you look around for a bit?"_

James turned his head left and right, trying to give Kaidan the best view of the area without looking too suspicious. _"Updating the maps now. This'll help should we need a takedown maneuver at the compound later."_

Finally, he spotted the entrance to the compound—it was easy enough to find, what with the two heavily armored guards standing in front of it. Already, they were eyeing him warily. He held out his empty hands in front of him but didn't slow down as he approached. "Here to see the boss."

One of them raised his omni-tool and ran a scan first of his face to confirm identity, then of his whole body. "Leave the pistol with us." James knew better than to argue and handed the weapon over, albeit reluctantly. "Down the hall, third door on the right." Both guards stepped aside as the door behind them slid open, obviously activated by an unseen switch or code, and James started making his way inside.

_"Why does she need you when she has two guys like that standing—?"_

The silence was almost deafening. Like he'd suddenly lost all senses, like the world had lost color. James could feel himself blanch, heart skipping a beat for a second. It was only when one of the guards started speaking that James noticed that he had stopped in his tracks. 

"Feels fucking strange the first time, does it?" One of the guards by the door looked at him with a mixture of pity and disdain reserved for those that hadn't been in the gang's service for as long as he had. 

"What does?" James said, tongue feeling heavy. 

"Going through the electric field. Keeps all unauthorized broadcasts out, including the extranet. My cybernetic eye was synced up to a biotiball live-feed the first time I came here. Fucking vertigo." The guard shook his head and snorted. James could only nod somewhat dumbly—it took all his acting talent to pretend the same had just happened to him. Like he wasn't thrown completely off guard because he'd lost all contact to Kaidan. 

"Music just stopped playing," he mumbled, then forced himself to continue walking lest they became suspicious of him. He could only imagine how freaked out Kaidan would be right about now. And for the first time since starting this damn mission, he felt alone, like he was suddenly, unexpectedly blind and deaf at the same time. 

Once he'd found the right door, he knocked politely and waited until he heard Russell's deep voice calling him inside. The room was elegantly decorated and spoke of expensive taste, but it looked cold and uninviting to James. Just like the woman sitting in the armchair across from Russell: Middle-aged, of—what Mbali had called—Asian origins, her black hair tied into a severe bun. She wore a tightly cut suit and the heels of her shoes were as sharp as the look in her eyes. 

"And he even is on time, Russell," she said with a surprisingly sonorous voice. She waved him over and looked him up and down. 

"I told you he's the right one for the job, Mei." James filed the name away for later. 

"Do you know why you're here?" 

James shot a questioning glance at Russell, but his stony face didn't betray a thing. "I was told to be additional muscle during negotiations." 

"That's right." When Mei got up, James felt sharply reminded of how a panther moved when it was stalking its prey. She walked around him, almost as tall as he was, and he tried not to fidget. "Due to the unfortunate opposition by the Blood Pack, an alliance with Eclipse seems prudent." 

"Didn't Eclipse work with the Pack?" 

Mei pursed her lips. "For a while. As did the Blue Suns. But their alliance came to a rather sudden end once their leaders were dead. The new head of Eclipse is not as interested in working with these brutes as they are in working with us." She moved towards the other end of the room, where a small bar had been set up. "Though Russell has vetted our potential partners thoroughly, this doesn't mean there won't be any… issues. You will accompany me to make sure these issues are resolved. Swiftly and to the point." 

"You point, I'll shoot." Echoing what he'd once said to Slasher. 

Mei turned around, a glass of dark red liquid in her hand, and grinned ferally. "I'm glad we understand each other." 

__

******

Fingers flying frantically over the keyboard, Kaidan tried not to panic. There had to be a reasonable explanation as to why he'd lost his connection to James, why all feeds had suddenly gone dark. A power outage or a virus, maybe. But all systems are clear and everything but James' camera, his sensors, and comm systems were working perfectly.

"Come on. Come on, James!"

Once again, he tried finding security cameras in the vicinity of the compound despite knowing that they were none, that these gangbangers had been meticulous about making sure that their boss couldn't be easily monitored. The closest he got was a feed several hundred feet away, pointing in the wrong direction. And there was nothing that would indicate that something had gone down at the compound. Then again, most people on Omega would only give a shit if their own lives were in danger.

Cursing, Kaidan sent out yet another message to James, hoping against hope that it would get through, then got up and started pacing. They had no contingency plan for this. And no matter what happened, Kaidan couldn't go and storm that damn compound, no matter how much he wanted to. He might take out the guards before they knew what was happening, but without backup or his proper battlefield armor he'd be dead sooner rather than later.

He bit his lips, still debating whether he should throw caution and every second of Alliance drill he'd received into the wind, when James' camera feed flared to life.

"Fuck! James, are you alright?"

The microphone was the next to be back online. _"See ya around,_ pendejos _."_ Kaidan watched as James' calloused hand waved at the guards before he turned and walked back the way he'd come from.

"Come on, talk to me."

After two awfully long minutes, James finally stopped and opened the texting app on his omni-tool.

_I'm alright. Might be watched,_ James typed, eyes fixed onto the text so Kaidan could actually read it, then deleted the text without sending it.

Kaidan let out a long sigh and felt strangely lightheaded in his relief. "Don't ever do this to me again, okay? You were gone from my feeds for longer than I feel comfortable with."

_Something blocked all in- and outbound frequencies._

James started walking again, and Kaidan forced himself to take a couple of deep breaths to regain his composure. This was a mission, he told himself, and he needed to stop acting like a scared rookie. "I want a full report later, understood?" He was quite sure he saw James flipping him off after that but chose not to mention it.

******

"I saw Cerberus uniforms today," James said as soon as he'd closed the door behind him. He'd taken his sweet time returning to the apartment and had even gone so far as to make a detour to the clinic. Kaidan walked slowly out of the surveillance room and didn't even try to keep the frown from his forehead.

"You think there's a connection to the case?"

"No, didn't look like it." James made a beeline for the fridge and started rummaging around. "Just seemed curious to have them walking around so casually on the station."

Kaidan harrumphed and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he watched James pull out what were obviously ingredients to make a sandwich. "I'll brief Anderson, but for now I say we'll ignore them." As much as he'd like to hunt them down personally.

James shot him a look and raised an eyebrow. "Why are you looking so pissed, Blue?"

"I'm not pissed." He almost winced when he heard himself. Leaned against the back of the couch and tried to relax his stance, though he was very aware that he didn't succeed.

"Uh-huh." James abandoned the sandwich-making process and walked over, stopping only when he was close enough for the tips of their boots to touch. " _Estas enojado con mi_ , Blue?"

"You should've returned from the compound straight away for your debriefing."

"My debriefing, huh?" James gave Kaidan's crossed arms a little nudge. "But I was fine. Just had a chat with the boss, as you know. And there was enough time to go back to Mbali and try to get some more info out of her. She's still up to her eyeballs in pain killers."

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "And did you get anything valuable from her?"

"You were listening. You know she only vaguely guessed that the cook must be near the boss, possibly at the compound." Another nudge. "Come on, Blue, don't be mad at me."

Kaidan rubbed his hand over his face. "It just seemed like an unnecessary risk."

"Unsuccessful maybe," James conceded. When Kaidan uncrossed his arms, James used the opportunity to move in closer. "But the whole fucking mission is risky. You know that."

"Yeah." Somehow his hands had found their way to James' hips. "Doesn't mean I have to like it. Or like being stuck here with no plan B."

"Then we make one up."

Kaidan felt a small smile tug at his lips. "It's that easy, is it?"

"Yeah, sure." James grinned. "Maybe we could tell Anderson to send us some back-up, just in case shits hits the fan."

"Could be an option." The idea wasn't half bad. In fact, if they were looking into anything but Red Sand, he'd get people from his biotics company to help them out. They would have no trouble entering Omega without being seen. But maybe Anderson had some other marines that could operate covertly enough. "Let's talk this through with Anderson."

"Or we'll just order you an Atlas mech and you can come and rescue me," James said and moved in closer until their lips almost touched. "Want to be my knight in shining armour, Blue?" Kaidan's response was swallowed by their kiss.

******

The first outing with the boss had gone surprisingly well. Maybe it had been the fact that he'd counted on trouble and had been alert and tense the whole time—but the fact remained that they'd gone to meet the current leader of Eclipse on neutral ground, Mei had talked with them for a bit, and they'd left unscathed. It would be the first in a series of meetings, Mei had told him, sounding almost bored. The real negotiations hadn't even begun. James had then made an attempt to ask what this alliance was to be about, but a look from Mei had quickly silenced him. Though it had done nothing to quash his or Kaidan's interest, of course.

Which led him straight to the Hive after having delivered Mei safely back to the compound. There weren't many people around, but given the time and the group having suffered through several firefights now, it wasn't exactly surprising. James nodded at a couple of familiar figures—Deon, Barra, and Alex amongst them—and fetched himself a beer before joining them.

"How are you guys doing?"

"Not too bad." Deon was the one who answered him, while Alex just acknowledged his presence before turning their attention to the TV screen in the far corner, and Barra glaring daggers at him. "Heard you got promoted."

James shrugged. "If you mean me moonlighting as the boss' bodyguard, then yes."

Deon raised his beer at him. "You obviously made a good impression on the right people."

Barra snorted. How he could sound so mean and disdainful with just one sound was beyond James' comprehension.

_"What a nasty little fuck."_

James didn't manage to suppress his chuckle at that.

"What's so funny, dickwad?"

Leaving back in his chair, James took a big swig from his beer before answering. "You. You seem jealous." As a response, Barra raised two fingers in his direction. James rolled his eyes.

_"Be careful, James."_

"Your presence is required elsewhere, arsehole." James looked at where Barra was pointing with his bottle and found himself looking at Slasher. She was fixing him with a stare he didn't like one bit.

James forced himself to get up and join Slasher at the bar.

"Little birdy! Finally gracing us with your presence!"

He raised his bottle at her. "Yeah, you know, I was a little busy before, what with getting shot up and stuff."

Slasher just hummed as if she was amused, but that sentiment very certainly didn't reach her eyes. "Well, we've missed you." From another person those words might have sounded nice. With her, it just sent shivers down James' spine. "I have something for you," she said, her grin now feral.

"A present?" he forced himself to say, trying to sound intrigued even if he didn't want anything that woman had to offer.

"So to speak." She pulled a little baggie out of a pocket of her leather jacket. "New and improved recipe. Our cook is especially proud of it."

_"Don't take that. Please."_ But Kaidan knew as well as James did that he had about as much say in this as he had the last time he'd dusted up. He tried grounding himself to the sound of Kaidan's voice, hoping it would get him through this. He swore to himself he'd cling to it when the drug started coursing through his body, to keep control, to not get stuck in that hellish web Slasher and her compatriots had created.

Vividly, he remembered Nikolaj's warning not to take Sand when Slasher was near. He plastered a grin on his face. "For me? _Me gusta_!" He held out his hand for the baggie to pocket it for later, but Slasher shook her head, then laid out a sizable line for him right there on the bar. "Now? I thought I'm not supposed to do this while I'm on the clock."

"We're in a bar." That grin again. "And since I'm your boss…"

He nodded, swallowing hard, and steeling himself for the hit. Concentrated on Kaidan, on getting through this. He knew what to expect—this time, he'd manage to control it. He was sure of it. He bent down, finger pressing down on one nostril, and sniffed the Sand.

It hit him like a fucking sledgehammer. For a second there, he lost his sight as heat raced through his nostrils right into his head. He blinked rapidly, and the feeling of searing energy built up at the back of his neck, raced through his arms and down his spine into his legs, before collecting in his groin. Biotic energy was crackling at his fingertips as he looked around, a crimson haze now overlying everything, and he knew, if he could just reach a little further, he'd be able to control the heavy, blue current that ruled this world.

And yet, he couldn't. Despite the energy coursing through his body, his muscles felt like pudding. Distantly, he noticed that this hit of Sand was different than the one before; and as his dick hardened, he felt an extreme need.

" _Dios_ ," he breathed hoarsely, barely holding onto the bar.

Hot breath ghosted over his ear. "You like my present, Jaybird?" Slasher ran her hand down his back, and it felt like he was burning up wherever she touched him. "I told you I would have you."

James tried to push away from the bar, but his limbs wouldn't cooperate. He grunted, unaware of anything but Slasher and her hand and the fire in his body. She squeezed his dick through his trousers, the touch unwelcome and painful and desperately needed.

" _Qué coño—?_ "

"You like that, don't you?" Nausea climbed up his throat when she started rubbing her hand over his front and he felt his body respond. He bucked involuntarily when she pressed her other hand through his trousers against his cheeks. "Let's get you into the backroom, Birdy. I promise I won't be gentle."

Unable to fight her off, James gasped as she squeezed his cock again. In the back of his mind, in the last part of him that was still clear—even if just barely—he knew there was no way he could outrun this.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

James blinked as Slasher was pulled off of him and he was pushed to the side, leaving him barely hanging on a bar stool. With a weirdly detached fascination he watched Russell push Slasher away. "We don't try out new products on the few people we have left!" His crotch now free from Slasher's hand, James felt some of the nausea subside. 

"You!" Russell waved a hand in front of his face, his expression thunderous. "Get yourself the fuck home!" But James didn't move until Alex pulled at his hand. James being unable to speak, Alex called down a skycar for him and wordlessly entered his address into the console before shoving him inside.

******

Gripping the arms of his chair as hard as he could was the only thing that kept Kaidan from bursting out of the apartment to get to James. The second the skycar entered the airspace around their building, Kaidan ran towards the door. Almost ripped it open, but—

No. No, no, no. He couldn't go out. What if someone had followed James? What if someone was watching? No, he'd put them both at risk if he was that reckless. No, he mustn't. He couldn't. He pressed his head against the door. Waited until he was sure eons had passed, until he heard steps. The second the door unlocked, Kaidan pulled it open to reveal James, eyes unfocussed, face flushed and sweaty. Kaidan caught him as he stumbled and kicked the door shut.

"I got you."

"Blue…"

He half-dragged, half-carried James into the bedroom and lay him down. "Fuck, James. That was just—Are you alright?" It was a stupid question. Of course he wasn't. How could he be, after that whole scene at the Hive? Kaidan had seen his vitals spike on the monitor, had heard him gasp and struggle against Slasher. Had heard _her_.

"What do you need? Water?" James writhed on the bed, fists bunched into the sheets, twisting and turning, so obviously unable to control the effects of that drug. It was only then that he noticed the bulge in James's trousers, and he realized what Slasher had been referring to.

"Please, Blue. Please."

Kaidan felt nauseous. That drug—no, Slasher—had done that to him. Reduced James to this ball of need, face constricted in a mixture of pain and desperation and—something else. Kaidan's hands hovered over James' body, unsure of what to do to make things better. He had no antidote for this.

"Please." James opened his eyes and looked directly at him, pupils blown wide and eyes fogged by a crimson haze. "Blue—I need—please just—fuck me. Touch me." He fumbled for his belt, sweaty hands coordinated, slipping on the buckle.

"No, I couldn't—"

"Hurts." James looked at him pleadingly. "Please."

Kaidan felt something in him break. "I—" He swallowed thickly, then helped James undo his belt and push his trousers and boxer briefs down.

"Please. Anything."

But he couldn't. Not like this, when James' head was all muddled, when he had no control over himself. Kaidan pushed James' hand down, glanced down to make sure that James was managing on his own and felt immediately guilty for the look alone. He quickly pushed off of the bed when James' breath hitched and his hips pushed upwards to meet his hand, then fled to the kitchen. He squeezed his eyes shut as if that would help block the moans coming from the bedroom. He'd make Slasher pay for this if he ever got the chance.

Water bottle in hand, he returned to the bedroom just as James came with a cry, his body wrecked, and biotic energy finally breaking loose. Kaidan's quick thinking and a finely honed biotic field were the only things that kept James from smashing the bedside table into the nearest wall. He waited until the roiling energy had subsided, then lifted the field again. James crashed almost immediately after, sliding into that strange wasteland between unconsciousness and sleep as Kaidan covered him with a blanket.

******

The spray of the shower was a steady, gentle beating on James' skin, and it was easy to lose himself in the warm and comfort of it. It helped drive memories from the previous night from his mind, too. At least for a while. He almost didn't feel Slasher's hands on him anymore, almost forgot how much his erection had hurt pressed against the constraints of his trousers, how much he'd wanted to be touched—

James shook himself and leaned his head against the cool tiles, baring the back of his neck to the water, wishing it would knead the tension out of his shoulders. Or that he could just pretend this whole experience had been nothing but a nightmare.

He stayed like that until the water had run cold, he was shivering, and he finally had to realize that hiding wouldn't make this whole mess go away. Sighing, James stepped out of the shower. The steam had long fogged up the room and he was grateful he didn't have to look at his reflection in the mirror as he pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Kaidan was frying something when James shuffled out of the bedroom and towards the table. He was kind enough to let him get settled in first, then placed a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast in front of him, before he asked, "Are you okay?"

James picked up a fork and pushed his egg around a bit. "Honestly? No." He pushed away from the table and walked over the coffee machine. Pressed the button and stared as the coffee slowly dripped into his cup. "I'm sorry," he mumbled after a while.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about."

James snorted. The coffee had run through, but he didn't turn around, and kept staring at the cup. "So I didn't beg you to—"

"You weren't yourself" Kaidan said and leaned up against the counter next to him. James shot a glance at him and saw Kaidan rubbing his thumb over a spot on the back of his left hand. It was already tinged red. 

James shook his head. "I made a fool out of myself. Couldn't even think straight." He cleared his throat, then took a deep breath and told himself to get his shit together. He looked up. 

Kaidan gave him a small smile. "But you're yourself again, aren't you?"

James slowly exhaled. "Yeah. Mostly." Then, after gathering his courage, he reached over and put his hand over Kaidan's to stop him before he rubbed his hand raw. Kaidan interlocked their fingers and gave a little tug, and James moved towards him and practically melted into the tentative hug.

"Are we good?" Kaidan asked quietly, his lips touching James' cheek.

James nodded. "Yeah. Just… Let's nail these fuckers. Quickly."

******

Kaidan sighed as he shut off the comms. Briefing Anderson on that new drug hadn't exactly been easy. There'd been no tiptoeing around the effects of the drug, and even though he had James' okay, it felt awfully traitorous to be so forthright about it. But there had been nothing for it—if there was the slightest chance that this stuff made its way into circulation, the Alliance would have even bigger problems on their hands.

He rubbed his hands over his face—Anderson's order to take this drug cartel down sooner rather than later still ringing in his ears—and got up. Time for another cup of coffee, before he had to drag James in here to go through video material and discuss new angles for their investigation.

When he got to the living room, however, he found James putting on a jacket. "You've got to be shitting me."

"What?"

"You're going back there, aren't you?"

James straightened the collar on his jacket and stuffed his hands in the pockets. "Yeah? I mean, what else am I supposed to do?"

In quick strides, Kaidan was between him and the door. "Not go back?"

That earned him a wry smile. "And just drop the whole mission? Come on, Blue. You don't really mean that."

He sighed. James was right, and he knew it. The mission—their orders—came first, despite the personal risks. They'd both known that when they'd signed up for this. Had known it, actually, when they enlisted. "Of course not. I know you'll have to… But not tonight. You can take a breather, can't you?" To think that James would voluntarily go back to there and risk the same thing all over again…

"They probably expect me to crawl under a rock and lick my wounds or something," James said, shrugging. "But when I show my face, they'll respect me all the more for it."

Kaidan looked at him dubiously. He knew there could be some merit to what James was saying—that going back would earn him more points with them, might help them to get further in their investigation—but he also didn't want James to put himself into that much danger this soon again. But before he had a chance to say anything, James took a step closer to him and said, "I'm one stubborn _pendejo_ , Blue. I don't give up easily." James quickly leaned in and kissed him, effectively silencing every argument Kaidan might have uttered.

"Okay," he said, breathing heavily, once they had separated. "Just… be careful."

"Always, Blue." James winked at him, and with that, he was out of the door. Kaidan stood there for a minute longer, trying to gather his thoughts. For some reason, despite all of James' assurances, he had a feeling that shit was about to hit the fan. He needed a plan.

******

"Jay! Long time no see!" Mbali cried when she saw him enter the ward. She was smiling when she said it, but she was obviously still pouting.

James spread his arms and shrugged. "You know how it is," he said, even though there hadn't been any jobs for him today. He'd just stopped by briefly at the compound to make sure the crew saw him out and about.

"Haven't in a while. Feels like I'm out of the game already."

"Oh, come on." He pulled a chair to the bed. "You'll be back in no time."

"Maybe. I keep trying to convince the doc to let me go, but he keeps telling me the bed's still paid for."

"You should listen to him. Besides, have your wounds even closed yet?"

She lifted her shirt a bit, as if the slightly pink bandage would somehow convince him. "Well, staying here is boring. From what I hear you're having all the fun now. The boss' bodyguard?"

James pulled a face. "It's less exciting than it sounds."

"Why? What are you doing?"

"Accompanying her to meetings. That means a lot of standing around and glaring at people."

"People?"

"Eclipse, mostly."

She hummed knowingly. "Heard she'd be looking for support now that the Pack's decided to..." she trailed off and pointed at her stomach and the various bandages on her body. "Anyway. The way you describe the job sounds like Barra would love it. He's giving you trouble about it?"

James waved her concern away. "Some. But he can go fuck himself for all that I care. The others are much more relaxed about it. Deon, Alex, and SMG—for example. They're good for drinks, too." That was his cue to leave. Winking, he got up. "Soon as you're out of here, you should come join us at the bar," he said, though he had no plans to return there anytime soon, if he could help it.

******

James had never thought returning back to their apartment after a quick trip to the nearest corner shop could be quite so nerve-wracking. But there he was, pretending his hand wasn't trembling as he entered the door code. The bag—containing little more than milk, pasta, and several canned goods—felt unreasonably heavy in his arms, yet he quickly told Kaidan to stay put on the sofa after plonking it down on the counter. He took a deep breath, then plunged his hand into the bag, pulled out a small black box and tossed it at Kaidan. "Catch!"

Kaidan barely looked up in time to see it fly at him, but his reflexes let him snatch it from the air before it hit him straight in the face. "What's this?" He looked down and did a double take.

James shot him a grin, trying to prove to himself that none of this was making him nervous at all, then continued putting the shopping away. "What do you think?"

"I—uh—"

"Didn't know a box of condoms could make you speechless, Blue." He closed the fridge and leaned against it, crossing his arms in front of his chest. It helped playing things cool. When Kaidan still didn't say anything, however, doubt slowly started creeping up his spine. "If you don't want to, that's fine. I just—"

"I want to!" Kaidan blurted, restoring the bright smile on James' face. "But… Are you sure about this?"

James rubbed the back of his neck. How long had it been since he'd made that offer to another guy? It almost felt like he'd forgotten how to broach the topic. He felt himself blush. "I'm sure." After all, he had thought about this—long and hard. Ever since that first kiss. In the shower, before falling asleep, on the way back here, just minutes ago. And he knew one thing: There wasn't much he was in control of right now, but this was his to decide and to give. "I want to. Very much." Now that it was out in the open, he couldn't think about anything else other than getting Kaidan's hands on him. He pushed away from the fridge and walked towards the bedroom.

For a moment, Kaidan looked at him dumbfounded. "Now?"

"Now." He had spent a good long while in the shower that morning being extra thorough, just in case he didn't chicken out of this. "If you want," he added, hesitating by the doorway.

Kaidan practically jumped off the sofa to follow him.

Inside the bedroom, James stopped by the bed, momentarily flustered and almost unsure on how to proceed. But that feeling went out the window when Kaidan kicked the door shut and walked towards him, smiling.

James drew Kaidan close and kissed him, fitting their bodies together as if they'd done this a thousand times, as if he wasn't brimming with excitement and expectation. Quickly, the softness of their touches vanished and gave way to need, their kisses turning hungry, hands tugging impatiently on shirts and belts.

"Fuck, Blue, I've wanted this since I saw you do pull ups that first time."

Deftly, Kaidan undid James' belt, button, and zipper, and pushed his hand down his pants, both groaning in unison when Kaidan's hand pressed against James' rapidly hardening cock. "You wanted me to fuck you?" Kaidan said.

James' skin tingled where the words ghosted over his skin. He shivered when Kaidan followed them with kisses down the side of his neck, pausing to nip at the skin just above his clavicle.

" _Dios_ , yes!"

James' shirt went first, then his trousers and boxer briefs, and Kaidan's hands grabbed his ass and pulled him flush against him. Pressed up this close, Kaidan's own erection was unmistakable even through his clothes.

"You're wearing too much," James said in between kisses. Kaidan pulled away and grinned, gently pushing James backwards. James let himself fall onto the bed, ignoring the creak it gave and fully concentrating on the way Kaidan pulled his shirt off, slowly revealing his abs, then his chest with its smattering of hair. He reached out his hand. "Come here, Blue."

Kaidan went over to the bedside table instead and pulled out a bottle of lube, motioned for James to scoot up on the bed and then—finally—climbed on the bed as well. James plucked at the fabric of his trousers and raised an eyebrow but said nothing as the sight of Kaidan coating his fingers with lube proved too distracting.

James spread his legs as Kaidan bent forward, one hand next to James' head, the other moving below to completely ignore his cock and start rubbing circles over his hole. James groaned and pulled Kaidan's head down until he could finally kiss him again, letting their tongues dance and lap greedily at each other. "Please," he breathed, then nipped at Kaidan's lower lip. He threw his head back when the finger breached him, almost not noticing how Kaidan's lips moved to his neck again as he started to move his finger.

" _Coño_!" He'd almost forgotten how this felt—the strangeness coupled with a promise for more whenever the finger _almost_ brushed his prostate. "Another!" Kaidan complied eagerly, adding another digit and stretching James further as he bit and sucked on his neck and jaw. When he hit his prostate, James thrust upwards, moaning loudly, nearly pushing off the bed.

"Found it?"

"Fuck yeah, you found it." James laughed, then moaned again when Kaidan repeated the motion. " _Dios_ , don't stop."

"Can't have you coming just from fucking you with my fingers."

James was almost about to protest, would have resorted to begging, really, to chase those fingers and that feeling, but Kaidan added another finger and silenced him with a kiss.

Four fingers in, James trembled with need and actually keened when Kaidan pulled back. "How do you—"

James quickly scrambled on all fours. As much as he wanted to watch Kaidan's face while they were fucking, it would be easier like this. Looking over his shoulder, his own legs spread, offering himself up, he watched as Kaidan, that fucking tease, finally lost his trousers and pants, gave his hard cock a couple of quick pumps and then slipped a condom over it.

"Fuck, James, you're so hot like this." Kaidan bent down and pressed a kiss to the small of James's back, and James shuddered and bit his lip.

"Come on, Blue, just—"

There was the cold sensation of more lube on his butt, then Kaidan's left hand on his hip and the tip of his cock at his hole. Slowly—ever so slowly—Kaidan pushed inside, giving James time to adjust to the burn. He needed more.

"Okay?"

"Fuck me already."

He felt Kaidan pull back and pushed forward again, and he did nothing to hold his moan back. Hands fisted in the sheets, James rocked back against Kaidan, meeting each thrust, wriggling around till Kaidan's cock was angled just _right_.

"Fuck, yes!"

Both of Kaidan's hands held onto his sides tightly, using their grip as leverage as he fucked James with quick snaps of his hips, James' name falling from his lips like a prayer, an incantation. James had long lost his ability to speak, grunts now an indication of his pleasure. He felt himself coming closer to orgasm—the tell-tale tingle collected in the back of his head, racing down his spine—and shifted his weight onto his left forearm, while he reached for his cock and started pumping it in time with Kaidan's thrusts. Then Kaidan's hand joined his and it was all he needed to push him over the edge—blood roaring in his ears as his eyes rolled backwards, his only focus now the pleasure exploding in his brain. When his head cleared, Kaidan pushed into him hard one—two—three more times before his hips stuttered and he came with a long, loud groan.

Kaidan carefully collapsed next to him on the bed and James let himself fall on his side, breathing heavily. For a moment, they just lay there, until Kaidan turned towards him and kissed him again. Still wordlessly, Kaidan got up and walked into the bathroom. He returned with a damp towel and a wide smile.

"I think I need a nap now."

James laughed, quickly wiping himself down with the flannel, and kicked away the soiled blanket as he tossed the towel into the general direction of the bathroom. "Sounds like a plan." He wasn't sure if he ever cared to get out of bed again. Kaidan lay down next to him, and James threw his arm across his chest. Seconds later, he was out like a light.

******

Slasher's image flickered over his omni, looking mean even via her small digital image. "Alex and their team have been killed and nobody can reach Deon. We need everyone to come in immediately."

" _Joder_! What happened?"

"Don't know. But we can't risk losing anyone else."

James looked around for his jacket. "Where do you need me?"

"The compound. ASAP." Before he had the chance to reply, she'd ended the transmission.

When he looked up, he found Kaidan leaning against the doorframe to the supply closet. "You heard?"

"Yeah. Sounds ominous."

James sighed, then pulled on his jacket. "It does. But if they're pulling everyone back from their posts, maybe I'll get a chance to get the intel we need to wrap this up."

"James? I have a bad feeling about this."

"Same."

Kaidan walked over to the kitchen table where James had just been cleaning his weapon. He carefully reassembled James' pistol and handed it to him. "Let's play this by ear, okay? And if push comes to shove—"

"I'll get the hell out of dodge." James nodded. He took a deep breath, but his nerves just wouldn't calm down. "A kiss for good luck?"

Kaidan gave him a small smile and wordlessly pulled him close, kissing him hard. "No unnecessary risks, okay?"

******

The district was eerily quiet today. While it had never been bustling like Tuhi district, it had never seemed this dead. Up ahead, Mei's compound loomed—even that looked abandoned.

"You're sure that Russell's stationed enough personnel around here, right? Because I'd hate to walk straight into an ambush," James said with a sideways glance at Barra, who just grunted in what may have been a confirmation.

It was strange—the previous times he'd been here, there had been two guards posted outside the compound. Now, there was nobody in sight. James slowed his steps, hand going automatically for the pistol at his side.

_"I have a bad feeling about this. Go. Make up an excuse, now!"_

But before James could give any reaction to Kaidan's words, he heard a tell-tale clicking sound behind him and turned towards it, raising his hands.

"I don't think leaving is an option anymore," James mumbled, staring at the gun Barra pointed at his gut.

"You got that right, fuckface. Now move it. We're being expected."

_"Fuck! Stall him. I'm coming to get you!"_

"No!" It was meant for Kaidan's benefit, but Barra, of course, didn't know that.

"What do you mean, no?" In one quick motion, Barra flipped the gun around and rammed its butt into James's face. The pain made him see stars for a brief moment and hot blood spurted from his nose. "I said _move it_!"

But James didn't, heeding Kaidan's words. "That's the only thing you got?"

"Oh, I got more, Jay. Much more. But Slasher will get angry if I keep you for myself." A shiver ran down James' spine at that announcement. "But if you'd like, I can shoot you in the knees and just drag you to the compound."

He waited for Kaidan to give him an order, to let him know what to do. But that end stayed suspiciously silent. Fuck. There was nothing for it. "Won't be necessary, thanks." He turned and started moving towards the compound at the slowest pace he dared.

The door slid open quietly and admitted Barra and James into the first empty hallway of the compound. The light had been turned down low, and no matter how much James strained to hear sounds indicating other people, he only found silence. Now that he was inside, he came even more aware of the lack of sound—Kaidan's absence felt like someone had carved something out of him, left a hole inside him.

Slasher was waiting for him in a cellar room—a whole part of the compound neither he nor Kaidan had been aware of so far. It was bare with easy-to-clean concrete everywhere. There was only one metal chair, a small metal table, and a lightbulb hanging from the ceiling—purely for effect, probably. James would have scoffed, but Barra chose that moment to push him into the room. 

Slasher quickly shackled him to the chair, her talon-like nails scraping his skin while she smiled.  
"So nice of you to stop by, birdy." 

James rolled his eyes, trying to keep his temper in check. "Nice digs you got here. But when you called me over, I expected something different."

Slasher shrugged, obviously not caring. "You and me, Jaybird, we have to talk."

"We could have done that while sitting on a nice couch, you know?" His arms twitched in an involuntary attempt to cross in front of his chest, only to be held back by the manacles around his wrists.

"Probably. But it would've been decidedly less honest—and less fun." She took a butterfly knife from a sheath at her hip and started playing with it, pinwheeling it around. "You see, we've lost several of our members. For some reason they seem to be dropping like flies."

James closed his eyes for the briefest seconds—it all made sense now. Slashers vid-call to him and these strange theatrics. It also didn't bode well for his immediate future. "And you think that I've got something to do with that."

"Well, you're our newest member. Our wildcard." Just a couple of feet behind her, Barra noisily spat on the floor. James paid him no mind.

"Let me make it less wild for you then: I've got nothing to do with their deaths. You're barking up the wrong fucking tree." But the moment he said it, he knew that it didn't matter what he told her—Slasher had longed to get him like this from the second he'd turned her down. Maybe even the moment she'd laid eyes on him. This was going to hurt.

"We're about to find out, won't we?" She grinned again, then quickly turned around and put her knife down on the table. Then, slowly, she started pulling out pliers, two more knives and a small hammer. The electric whips, he noted, stayed on her hips.

"What, not going for the classic beating?" James quipped, feeling proud that his voice hadn't wavered.

Slasher ignored him, but Barra stepped forwards, cracking his knuckles. It figured that the damn goblin would find this exciting. "Can I, Boss?"

Slasher eyed him like other people would look at a beloved pet. "Go ahead, you deserve it."

James barely had enough time to ready himself before Barra's fist connected with his cheek. He automatically went with the motion, just like Captain Tony had once taught him. Still hurt. Barra jeered and pulled back to hit him again—this time, James was too slow. Pain bloomed behind his eye and could feel it swelling right away.

"You got some scars, Jaybird. Have you been whipped before? Has your skin been flayed?" James blinked and looked up just in time to see Slasher pull her red frogmouth into a grin. "Maybe I'll have you later. After all, we've been so rudely interrupted previously."

******

Kaidan pulled his assault rifle from the weapons locker in the surveillance room and snapped an ammo clip inside. He stuffed more into his utility belt and wished—once again—that he had thought to pack his proper armor. The intention had been to travel lightly and inconspicuously—a decision he now bitterly regretted.

In a split-second decision, he grabbed a heavy pistol and shoved it into his holster, too, before glancing one last time at the video feed. James had almost reached the compound. There was no time to waste.

******

James gritted his teeth as the knife carefully sliced through the skin on his arm. It had become harder to see—his left eye was swollen shut and the right wasn't too far behind, thanks to Barra laying into his cheek. Sweat ran down his face, burning where it met open wounds.

"Ready to answer some questions?"

He spat in Slasher's general direction and noted with some satisfaction that he hadn't missed his mark. She, however, only grinned wider. Barra used the chance to punch him in the ribs so hard that James had trouble breathing for a couple of seconds.

"How about now, fuckface?" the bastard asked him, looking happier than James had ever hoped he'd see him.

"Maybe we should give the whips a go. What do you think, Barra?" Her face shone in anticipation as she pulled them out and activated the electric fields. They glowed blue—a pale imitation of heavily controlled biotic abilities.

"You haven't even asked me shit, you bitch!" James spat, trying not to panic.

But Slasher paid his argument no mind—she just raised one of her arms and swung it down hard. When the whip bit into his shoulder and back, he screamed. The second hit tore another from his throat. The third made him dry heave.

Before the fourth could hit him, the door crashed open and SMG stumbled in. He barely took note of the scene before him and yelled, "Perimeter has been breached! The Pack's attacking!"

Slasher cursed loudly. "We'll continue this later. Jaybird, say nighty night."

The last thing he saw was Barra's fist before stars exploded behind his eyes.

******

With effort, James raised his head and blinked towards the lightbulb. Slowly, noise from outside penetrated his ears—gunshots and shouts. Under different circumstances, he would have welcomed those sounds. But somehow, he didn't think the Blood Pack would make a good rescuing party.

Alone for the first time in—how long had he been here? He couldn't get to his omni, couldn't check—too long, James thought about Kaidan. Hoped that he hadn't done anything stupid. The thought of him trying to storm this compound with no help, no back-up, and no armor, made him feel even sicker than seeing the skin hang off his forearm. If he tried anything, they'd both be dead.

Panic welled up in the pit of his stomach, danced with the pain that held his body in a vice. He tried pushing it down. Death had always been a possibility, had been a companion, even. He'd done good, he told himself. He'd helped more people, had had more of an impact, than many others could say of themselves. It would be okay.

Only that it wasn't. "Who am I kidding?" he whispered to himself. He didn't want to die. Wouldn't sure as hell just give up. He took a deep breath, even if it hurt. Somewhere along the line they must've fucked up some of his ribs.

He strained against the shackles, felt the metal bite into his skin, felt his wounds rip open wider. He tried moving the chair, but it was nailed to the floor. Why had the Alliance never bothered to teach grunts like him how to get out of shit like this?

He froze when he heard hurried steps. Suddenly, there was another resounding boom and the door flew open, only to reveal Mbali. "I was wondering if I'd find you," she said, almost cheerfully, as she sauntered inside.

Dimly, James registered that just two days ago, she's been bedbound, barely able to move without wincing. It was hard to concentrate over the pain. But there she was, looking healthy as shit and wearing red Blood Pack armor. He spit some blood onto the floor and rasped, " _No mames, bruja_. You're the traitor?"

Mbali grinned, echoing the expression Slasher usually wore. "You never suspected me, did you? It was easy enough to wheedle some info out of you—helped me gain favor with the real players on this shithole station."

James' thoughts were sluggish, but he still made the necessary connections. "The whole ambush on you was fake?" The sounds of the gunfight in the compound slowly became louder, as if it was steadily moving in their direction.

Mbali shrugged unconcernedly. "Well, the shots were real enough, even though I had to help matters along a bit by killing Nikolaj." And here he had been thinking they'd been friends. "And it worked, too. They pulled everything into the compound—from Mei to the cook to the product. It was almost too easy to get them to reveal their hand."

He wanted to wipe that smug grin from her face. "So, how about getting me out of these shackles?"

"What do you take me for, Jay?" She shook her head. "But you should be grateful, still. I'll give you a clean death. That bitch Slasher wouldn't have been so kind."

Somehow, despite her being right, there was no comfort in her words. "I'd rather be free."

"No can do, Jay."

"Fuck you."

She lifted her shotgun and aimed. A gunshot exploded and James winced, but kept his eyes open. He waited for the pain. Looked down. Saw no hole. Looked up, just in time to see Mbali fall and reveal Kaidan, standing behind her.

******

"James!" Kaidan rushed forward, paying no mind to Mbali's body lying in his way. Saw the blood, the skin flap on the arm, the way James' face had been battered. "Fuck, what did they do to you?"

"Blue?" James blinked almost sluggishly. Only one eyelid moved.

"Everything will be alright. I'm getting you out." Frantically, he looked around for something to open the damn shackles with. His heart was still hammering like crazy in his chest, still panicked from imagining how he'd find James—cut open, dead, beyond help—and incredibly grateful that he had not. He grabbed the pliers—one of the few things in there not smudged with blood—and tried breaking the shackles that way.

"How'd you…? Anderson sent the cavalry?"

Kaidan threw the pliers away when they wouldn't work and growled in frustration. Reached deep inside him until his already heated implant prickled in the back of his neck and then bent the fucking manacles to his will with his biotics. James gasped when his wrists were released. Kaidan caught him as he slumped forward.

"They contacted me only yesterday to say that they were in place on Omega. I meant to tell you, but you distracted me a bit when—" 

Kaidan raised his rifle when he heard approaching footsteps but lowered his weapon the moment he recognized the uniform.

"Compound is secure, Sir!"

Kaidan carefully helped James on his feet. Held him tight when he swayed. James was heavy in his arms, but Kaidan had never felt anything so good before.

"We're okay in here, Gunny. Go on up, we'll follow." He watched the marine salute and hurry away. He was thankful for the privacy—and they could go at their own pace now that all hostiles had been apprehended.

"Please, Blue," James whispered. Kaidan searched his face for cues on what he wanted. When he wasn't quick enough, James closed the distance between them and pressed a kiss to his lips. The slight taste of blood crept up on his tongue, and James hissed in pain, but neither of them broke the kiss. Kissing James was like coming home. Like breathing when he had forgotten how to.

******

There weren't many that survived the Blood Pack's ambush, and the Alliance storming the compound played their part in that, too. In the end, Mei, Pheri, Russell, and SMG were arrested, while a few others survived long enough to make it into the nearby clinic. Slasher had died in what seemed to have been a hand-to-hand combat with three vorcha, throat torn out, while Barra had been quickly gunned down by Alliance troops.

The cook, Pheri, started talking the minute she was out of earshot from the rest of the gang. She freely admitted that she'd been in it for the money, that the Alliance had been an easy enough target with the right contacts making sure the drugs made it into the bases and stations. They had wanted to be profiteers of the war—a war that hadn't even started.

While the reinforcements that had been sent by Anderson secured the compound and all products stored there, Kaidan made sure that James was patched up in a nearby clinic. And while James was knocked out by a much-needed dose of meds, Kaidan packed up their few belongings at the apartment and secured them a non-Alliance transport off the station. One that would grant them a little more privacy and time, due to a slightly longer leg and a small detour. Anderson had no objections.

******

Lying in their small cabin on the freighter en route to Arcturus station for the debriefing, James pulled the blanket a little higher to cover their naked bodies. Now that his breathing was back to its regular pace, he couldn't help but return to the same questions that had been plaguing him for days. "Do you think that what we did there made a difference?"

"We put a stop to the gang, didn't we?"

"Yeah." James sighed. "But it feels… I don't know. Like we didn't achieve all that much, I suppose. Not when you look at the big picture."

"This drug was killing people—soldiers under my command—by the dozen and undermined the Alliance's war efforts. Not to mention what would've happened if that new variation of Sand had made it into circulation. If we hadn't stopped them—"

"I know." James ran a hand through his hair. "But the war's still coming." Somehow, it made this victory feel smaller. They had stopped one gang, but the major threat to humanity—to all intelligent life, as Shepard put it—was still out there. He closed his eyes for a second, tried to will the thought away, to return to the present. Focused on the feeling of Kaidan's naked form right next to him, on the steady beating of his heart. In for a penny… James took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and turned his head towards Kaidan. "What do you think it'll be like? When we get back, I mean?"

Kaidan stared at the ceiling, not even blinking. For a second or two, James wondered if he had heard him at all, then Kaidan said, "They'll send me back to oversee my company, I think." He didn't sound all that thrilled.

"And I'll return to Vancouver, yes." James wanted to ask if this thing between them would continue, but the words seemed heavy in his mouth. Kaidan would be off to God knows where—if they were lucky, they'd manage the occasional video-call, but there was no telling when they'd be able to see each other again. And then there was the war. Who knew if they'd even make it through the next couple of months? "Life will lead us in two different directions, won't it?"

Kaidan drew a slow, shuddering breath and nodded. "Looks that way."

"Then let us just have this, okay?" James linked their fingers together. "Let's have tonight and pretend tomorrow isn't going to come."

Kaidan turned and smiled at him. "Yes, let us have tonight."

******

The End


End file.
